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How to deal with people who is defensive?
how can i deal with people who are defensive? everytime i try to fix a problem with a friend he always in denial and get defensive, what should i do? its really hard
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I also cannot stand when people automatically get defensive, especially when someone is trying to patch things up and make things better. It all boils down to insecurity. People who are insecure are not comfortable enough in their own skin, or around other people, and tend to automatically get offended, since their insecurity makes them ultra sensitive to any sort of criticism- constructive or otherwise. You are clearly being the mature one by trying to fix any problem that might arise between you and your friend, but your friend is not having it, because he either cannot possibly see where he might have gone wrong (which is selfish and arrogant), or is totally defensive and overly sensitive. My guess is that both factors come into play.
Your best bet is to calmly explain to your friend that you are only concerned with the friendship and want to make things better and be on good terms. If he continues acting defensive and cannot appreciate the fact that you are trying to patch things up, then he is too selfish and/or immature for you to keep in your life. Trust me, I have been through this type of situation many times before, and it's not easy. But people like him are often bad news, so you are under no obligation to continue having him be a part of your life....unless of course you consider him to be a super great friend, who happens to have this one flaw...in which case, if he is such a great friend, and values your friendship, he will have to start being more mature about all this. If not, then he's simply not worth it.
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i hate.hate.hate. when people are very defensive against me. i tell them to chill out and just talk to me and try to understand where i'm coming from. if they cant i will get really frustrated and move on. if they make me angry enough, i will stop talking to them all together. but if its my friend, i will just tell them how i feel and ask them to try to relate to me.
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