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Family Dilemma
I am not sure where to begin….I have a cousin that I have been extremely close to over the years. I would consider her my closest and best friend. Recently, my brother has been forced to acknowledge he has had a chronic drinking problem. We all live in the same town, and we have always gotten together for kids’ parties, holidays, etc.
At the critical point of my brother’s alcohol problem, my cousin was deciding whom to invite to her wedding. My brother’s wife had moved from the marital home with the children. When asked my opinion, I suggested that she at least invite the sister-in-law and the children, as we didn’t know if my brother was going to stay on the recovery program. She elected not to invite my brother, and his immediate family. When she sent me a text message stating this, I expressed that it wasn’t right. This starting a text message war of words, so to speak. Countless times, I tried to speak to her via phone and in person, and she refused to correspond except texting. I explained that I thought we were misunderstanding tones, etc., but she won’t communicate any other way. She explained that she didn’t invite my sister-in-law and the kids because she considered them “ex”s from the family. I honestly didn’t think that the circumstances were the same as a divorce, but I understood and respected her opinion. She has said very nasty things via text messaging, and all were hurtful. She seems like, for the past few months, she really doesn’t want to resolve this. Now the wedding is in two weeks. I have received an invitation, and didn’t RSVP because of the nasty comments made. I am wondering though, if I should take my kids to the service only, at least to show support for my uncle. I initially didn’t want to go because I believed that since my brother and his family wasn’t invited, it wasn’t right for me to go. Now, I am not sure. Any advice is appreciated.
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Weddings seem to sometime take something small and make it so much larger. This is your cousin and your friend. This is her big day and everyone is asking her to do something for them and she's trying to make everyone happy, so she's stressed. I understand that you are hurt that she didn't invite your sister-in-law and the kids, but that is her choice, not yours. You told her how you feel about it and its time to let it go.
Go to the wedding and celebrate her marriage and show her that no matter what happens with all the family drama that you are there for her.
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If your kids are interested in going, you should let them go because the argument is between you and your cousin and not the kids. Also, the man is your uncle after all. Whatever problems you have with your brother's wife should remain between you too. If you do not want to attend, as well as your kids, well, there's no reason to go.
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