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wandering eye
19/f
I have been dating my boyfriend for about 11 months now and I am so in love with him. We are very serious and I see an amazing future with him - but theres just one problem.
I's not that big of a deal but he has a little bit of a wandering eye. While I know he would never cheat on me, he constantly tells me which girls he thinks are "total babes" and which celebrities he would love to get with. I know this is normal, but it makes me uncomfortable and insecure. When we go to the beach, he stares at other women. Just the other day he took one of my lingerie catalogs and was drooling over the girls while I was sitting right next to him. When I get mad or upset about it he just laughs or blows me off.
And it's started to make me feel like I'm not enough, and that's why he looks elsewhere. I used to be very confident and outgoing but now I feel like if I were just skinnier or had bigger breasts that maybe I could keep his attention. Now I feel uncomfortable having him see me naked and he complains all the time. He gets frustrated because I won't stay naked after sex or strip for him.
I tried explaining to him why I've gotten so insecure and how him gawking at other girls bothers me but he laughed it off or changed the subject. It's embarassing, I don't know how else to go about it.
I realize he is portrayed in a negative light in this question but he really is amazingly sweet, caring, funny and and all-around great boyfriend. I know he's in love with me and I want to be with him but hate feeling this way. How can I solve this issue?
Thanks for all who reply.
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you should talk to him and tell him that what he does makes you feel insecure and hurt. let him know that he makes you question your relationship. if he really loves you and cares about your feelings he will either change the way he acts or wont. just be sure that you yourselve cannot change him. people dont change for others they can only change for themselves and if he cares about you and doesnt want himselve to be alone then he could possible change his way. hope that helps- ng
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This is what I think
Guys always look at other females. No matter how in love they are. It's just in their blood. I used to feel the same way! But i learned to just tune them out or change the subject. Hope this advice helped! Message me if you need more advice!
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No relationship is perfect, all relationships have problems but you seem genuinely upset and stuck about this. You can't see that theres anything left for you to do. Tell him that its upsetting you to the point of you considering to end the relationship and ask him that if he is going to look at other girls (which is normal) that he does it while he isn't with you. Encourage him to go out with his mates, just a group of guys, to give him the opportunity to have a testosterone filled night and enjoy being a lad. Obviously, only do this if you trust him to stay faithful. But then after spending a night out with his boys, get him to spend a night just with you. If hes a good boyfriend like you say he is, he'll understand your problems and that you're upset. If he doesn't accept that it upsets you then think about yourself and how much longer you can be in a relationship like this. If you can't see yourself lasting long then end it so you can find someone that deserves you and considers your feelings. Good luck x
Hey I'm responding to your feedback :)
I think that you really don't seem happy in your relationship. The long distance must put a serious strain on your relationship and the lack of contact between you must be really hard for you to deal with. You seem like the type of person that needs a bit more attention than you're getting at the moment and from what you've told me, I think that you should seriously consider ending your relationship. I know it must be hard for you but I feel like the way you talk about him, you know that the relationship is coming to an end but you're trying to come to terms with it and get someone to convince you that actually you're being really silly and selfish. Well I don't think you are and I think that you must have loads of good things to say about him but for now, it's not working out. Maybe take a break if you really aren't sure? But otherwise, go out and find someone that meets all of your needs :) Good luck and I hope you find this helpful xx
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He may be a great guy but he have a problem. It's really normal how you feel and if I was with a guy who goes banana over every pretty face I to would feel somewhat insecure.
And seriously you have to question yourself... Can I continue to feel like this forever? What if we get really exclusive like engagement or even marriage? Will his behavior continue? Will his behavior ever heighten and he go as far as to cheat? We can never say what a person will do... Hell we never no sometimes what we will do in the future... Or even what type of person we will become!!!!!!
All I'm saying is his inappropriate behavior needs to stop. He's making you feel insecure, and it's hurting you. So you need to put your foot down! You need to make it crystal clear that his behavior is disrespectful and it's making you feel less than the beautiful person you are. And if he loves you like you loves him than... he will make a drastic change... A man in love will do anything in his power to ensure that his women is happy...
And for your sake I hope his loves matches yours and he will change. But if not than you need to seriously consider moving on. You can't keep on going threw life feeling this way. In the future when you grow older your body changes, black hair starts to gray a bit. When you have kids you tend to out on a few extra pounds. Are bodies experience a lot of drastic changes in life. So we need someone who will live us inside as well as out. Unconditional love to be exact... And if we can't get it we move on... And since you found a man that you love so much an he seems to be such a great guy I hope things for you two gets better :)
- The best of luck to you and always-
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You're definitely going to have to talk to him about it. If you don't have a serious conversation and make him understand, then the problem will just continue and possibly escalate. I think you should sit him down and be completely serious when you bring it up. If he laughs and tries to change the subject, persist and explain to him how uncomfortable and insecure it makes you feel when he 'drools' all over these other girls...and if he really doesn't take your feelings about this seriously, then that's a problem. A relationship should have communication and if you can't communicate your problems to him and have him take you seriously, then maybe this problem is even bigger then you think? With that being said, guys are very visual when it comes to their sexual side. They see girls that are hot and maybe your boyfriend just feels comfortable enough around you to tell you anything? I don't really know him though, so I'm not too sure as to why he would do that...either way, if it's making you unhappy, you should definitely discuss this with him!
-Jess 16/f
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