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We can't communicate!
My husband and I are just not communicating properly. We've been married for 12 years. HE's from Holland, I'm Canadian...that's been a cultural issue in the past. We get frustrated easily with each other. We were both the youngest in our families...if that makes a difference. Our kids don't see us comprimise, figure out problems together or work together very often at all and I'm afraid we won't teach them how to do those things properly for their future. Where do we begin?
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This is not panic time. This is perfectly normal. A lot of couples make the mistake of thinking that once they're married their relationship is set in stone, because generally things start out smoothly. But your relationship is a fluid, changing entity. That means that you have to sit down together and re-evaluate every once in a while. You are both human beings that will always be growing and changing. As a result, your relationship will grow and change as well. So you can start by sitting down together during a peaceful time (pick a time when your household is the calmest) and just ask each other what has changed for each of you over the years. Then talk about what needs you think you have and how you can help each other meet those needs. Its hard for some people to sit down and talk like this. But that's part of the problem. People avoid it because they feel silly or stupid, but it is absolutely necessary to a thriving marriage. If you are religious in any way and plugged into a spiritual community, find out if there are any classes or marriage studies offered, and take them. I've been married 11 years and my husband and I take EVERY marriage class or study that comes up in our church, even when things are going fine, because it prepares us for the times when things get strained, and they always do at some point in any marriage. Just a suggestion. But if you do sit down and talk and you still feel you haven't made any progress, you need to seek out a third party to help you navigate this difficult process. Find a marriage counselor. It will help you more than you can imagine, and if your husband feels weird about it, tell him its very important to you and ask him if he can do it as a gift to you. If it helps, tell him you'll only go for a month. If he doesn't think its helped, you can quit. But it turns out to be good, you can continue going until you feel you have all the tools you need to keep your marriage thriving. Good luck.
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Communication is a very important part of every relationship, but it is also one of the most difficult parts. The first thing that you need to do is sit down as a couple and voice your concerns to him, try to stay calm, if you get frustrated he will get frustrated and neither one of you will be able to get any point across. You need to keep coolheads. Try to be understanding when he speaks to you, don't just disregard what he is saying, really take it into consideration and be respectful and ask that he do the same thing in return. You don't have to agree on everything but you do need to be able to agree to disagree and come to a compromise with one another.
If you don't think that you can that the two of you can open the lines of communications on your own, you might want to try a therapist. They can be very helpful and sometimes it is better to get an outside opinion, usually you can't see what you are doing wrong as well as he can't see what he's doing wrong. But we often take offense when our partner points out our flaws. The cultural issue is another big thing that the therapist will be able to help you with, he/she will be able to help you better understand one another in more ways than one.
Hope I Helped :)
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