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Should I end long distance relationship?
I usually give advice to other people about this kinda stuff, but I currently I've found myself in a difficult situation that I could use some other opinions on.
I'm a guy in my early 20's that's been dating a girl for a little over half a year. The problem is she lives in another country, and I met her when I went abroad for half a year. The last two months we've been apart. I feel like she really is happy with the relationship, but I personally am not because of the long distance and some other reasons. I know it's selfish, but the reason I'm still with her is that I don't want to feel the loneliness of not having someone care about me in that way. I feel like even though I'm not happy with it that I would hurt her a lot by ending it also, and that I might lose some friends that are close to her and me, because they will take her side on it.
She's coming here for a year next year, but after that she'll be gone, and so I said eventually it would have to end and she got very defensive. She always ask me if I'm cheating on her, but I can assure you I'm not. She's really worried about the relationship not working out.
I just don't feel that connection, and i don't see it as that serious. I really have fun with her, but I don't feel a strong love connection, and I am absolutely sure that I wouldn't want to marry her.
I just don't know what to do, because eventually I will break up with her, but initially I was gonna wait it out and see what happens since she is coming back next year. I wish we could both just see the relationship as a non-serious thing, but I feel like she can't see it like that. I was just having fun with it, but I guess she has a much more serious view of the relationship.
Any advice or perspectives on my situation would really help me out. Thanks a lot
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
As a girl in her late teens (16/17) and have just been in a relationship with an 19 year old I can give you my personal best advice.
Tell her honestly. Me and my guy live about an hour and a half away by train from each other. But, he was so controlling because he consistently believed me to be cheating on him. And it wound me up so much that I now kind of hate him. Therefore I can't even start to believe what its like being in different countries.
Also don't string her along because of others after all its your life. And think carefully what you want to do because if its just a case that you feel that you don't love her because of the distance. Things can change, you can move, she can move etc. But if its like because you really don't want her then end it. Just be honest and nice and she may be upset but you know to expect that. In the end, she will respect you more if your honest with her not playing with her.
Good luck.
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Hi :)
I feel that if you're not happy in a relationship and you're not giving it your 100% like she is, then it's not going to work out. You guys are long distance, so of course she won't complain.
Cheating is a big no-no. The simple fact that she's asking shows that she cares. So why cheat? It's unfair to her, so my motto is break up rather than cheat. You will save yourself a lot of drama.
Everyone gets upset when they get dumped. The severity on their reaction to the break up ranges, depends on the person and how emotional they are. So don't worry about that, I'm pretty sure she'll go through many other relationships after you, and the same goes for you. It sucks, but sometimes you get lucky and meet mr. right, and sometimes it takes a bit of time.
As far as the mutual friends, who were they friends with first? If they were your friends first, and they don't support you, then obviously they're not good friends. Either way, don't worry about those friends. You'll meet plenty of other people in your life who you can call a friend and best friend. You would know, seeing that you're in your early 20's.
Verdict, talk with her. BE HONEST. Tell her how you're really feeling, and ask for her opinion. Ask her how she feels. Communication is very important. And at the end of the day, playing with someone's emotions isn't good. So just do her a favor and let her be happy with someone else who will take the relationship seriously. Good luck, and I hope I helped!
Uniq :)
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Long distance relationships just don't work out. There may be an occasional fluke where it works, but not very often. My advice is to end it.
Since the distance makes you just friends basically anyway, I see no reason why that can't continue if you both want it to. But a relationship consists of dating, going out to movies, eating dinner together etc. Not just email, messenger and phone conversations.
There is no reason at all for remaining in a relationship you are not happy with. Sure, you'll have lonely days. You'll also be free to find other female company.
Its very noble for you to worry about hurting her. Hurt is going to happen eventually anyway. The longer you put it off, the more it is going to hurt her. Breaking it off now is actually better than letting her get even more attached.
Any friends who can't stand by you because you end an unhappy relationship, aren't really friends. True friends will remain friends with both of you, not take sides.
If you end it now, its possible you will both be over the break up enough that you can be friends only by the time she comes next year. If not, well, with luck you will be in a happy relationship with someone else by then anyway.
If she is always asking if you're cheating, then she already knows you are not happy in the relationship. She can't be truly happy either if she is always worrying about such things. For sure she isn't trusting you like she should be.
It may take a while, but she is sure to see sooner or later that it would not have worked out.
End it now. Main reason being you cannot base a relationship on technology only. You need face to face interaction. You need to be able to touch & smell. See the bad and the good, the happy & the sad. long distance relationships lack the daily emotions.
OK I am done rambling. Good luck. :)
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Usually i would tell you to keep fighting for your relationship and hold on and bear to make it work out, and especially that she's coming next year ,so that might be something to help you connect and to rekindle your love and feelings for each other.
And I would also usually say that, if you are really serious about it, you wouldn't have to worry about the distant thing, cause if you really love her,you'd marry her, and then you'd move to the same country, either to hers or yours, and you'd live together and lead a normal life.
But then you don't love her that way, and you don't see yourself marrying her, and when you talk about it, you sound more to me that you enjoy her company as a friend, but not as a lover or a serious relationship and commitment. And i myself have never believed in distant relationships, its unfair, and wastes your opportunity to meet people in your own country, and to be with people you see everyday.
And its amazing that you are not cheating on her and being faithful, you really seem like a loyal decent person, but it would be even more amazing if you give all this love to someone you can actually have a normal working relationship with, cause its so unfair to you and to her, but if she doesn't see that its unfair for her, then it is to you.
Basically i think you should let go of this, and believe me, it'll be easier to get over it than if it was actually a real relationship with someone you see everyday, cause you can simply just not get online, and like block her or something,and just lose contact, and don't even ask when will she come or don't plan to see her or don't think about any of this, as long as you know that it still wouldn't lead anywhere.
I know it'll hurt, for her more, cause she seems like she really believes in what you two have together, but it just won't work, and maybe at first she'll be mad at you, but soon she'll know that you were right.
And i would've really told you to continue and make it work, but since you don't even have feelings for her in that way, than even let her go for her own best interest, for her to find someone who would actually love her and want to be with her and marry her.
If she agrees that you'd still be friends and ask about each other every once in a while, then thats cool, so you'd still have her as some sort of part in your life, although i don't recommend that,cause it won't work, cause you'll end up talking to her again and hooking up again.
Hope i helped, please be free to contact me,if you need anything else. Best of luck
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I think you would best off breaking up with her. You seem to be with her for all the wrong reasons, yes at times it sucks being single and lonely, but you seem very unhappy in this relationship. If your friends are true friends, they will still stay your friends. It also sounds like even if you break up with her a while down the road, you're still going to hurt if not even more.
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