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we dont know how much longer
im female 16.
just over a year ago i came into contact with my real dad we have never gotten along he moved half way around the world to remarry and have another kid as he forgot about me but hes still my dad and i miss him awhile ago he was diagnosed with a lung disease and i was told he had 6 months to 6 years but yesterday i got a message saying hes not doing too well and they dont know how much longer he will have i dont know how to deal with this im scared to talk to my mom cuz they always just fought and i dont feel comfortable talking to my stepdad i just dont know and im having such a rough time with it.. Please help me..
Sleepiesheeep
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When I was very young my father up and left. He soon remarried a woman with 2 kids, a girl one year older than me and a boy one year younger than me. He became a father to them and I had no relationship with him except a few visits over the years. I never blamed my mom because if he wanted he could have been in my life. I tried a few times over the years to keep in touch but it never lasted. You need to do whats best for you. I agree that you need to let him know how you feel and with honesty before its too late. Then no matter the outcome you will know that you did your part and that you will be stronger for it and that who you are and where you go in life is up to you and laying blame is just an excuse not a solution.
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This is such a difficult situation for a girl your age to deal with. Its not very fair, but I guess life isn't really that fair. Your dad was wrong to leave you, and it doesn't sound like your mom has been that supportive of your feelings about him. However, now your dad is dying, and things are changing. My dad also left before I was born. I was 10 before I met him, and it turned out he wasn't that great of a guy. Not horrible, but just sort of cold and distant. Very disappointing. However, he's my father, and you can't just turn off your feelings for the person who is half responsible for bringing you into this world. When I was about your age I realized that I was full of hurt and anger towards him, and for good reason, of course. However, I also realized that my anger wasn't really hurting him as much as it hurt me. I made the decision to forgive my father. It was hard. I didn't really feel like doing it, but every time I felt myself getting mad or hurt toward him I reminded myself that I forgive him. Sometimes I even just said it out loud to myself. Forgiving someone doesn't mean forgetting about how they hurt you, it means you've decided not to treat that person the way they deserve to be treated. Your first step in all of this is learning how to forgive your father, not because he deserves it, but because you do. Then you need to contact him. This will be the hard part, but you're going to have to talk to your parents. Talk to them together. Sit them down one evening, when things are calm and normal, and tell them you've been thinking a lot about your dad dying its really having an affect on you. Do your best not be emotional about it. You'll have to talk to them calmly. Write down your thoughts if that helps. They will be more likely to listen to you if you are calm and mature about it. Tell them you think its important that you contact him and just get some closure on your issues. If they resist you, tell them you know its hard for them to understand because they see your dad as another adult but you only see him as your dad. Whatever issues they have with him are between them. You can't be expected to hold the same grudges that they do. Your relationship with him is different than theirs. If they still insist you not see him, write him a letter. Listen, no matter what happens, you need to express your feelings to your dad. You may never have the opportunity again, and if something happens to him you'll always regret never taking advantage of the opportunity. I wish you the best of luck. I promise that if you can find a way to forgive your dad, and even your mom, you will begin to feel a lot better about a lot of things in your life. Good luck.
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