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Should I forgive my dad?
I'm going to try to keep this from getting too long, but I don't know if that is possible! I'm 20 years old, in school and working while living with my mom. My parents just got divorced in January. My dad cheated on my mom with two different women- both were ongoing affairs and he is still seeing the last woman. My mom has been with him since she was 16 and is devistated. My dad was not involved in my life while I was growing up. He didn't show any interest in me and was very verbally abusive. Now that he is divorced, he sees what he lost and now is trying to be a part of my life. I appreciate it... however, I'm just so incredibly disgusted by him and seeing my mom so upset and depressed really makes me resent him. I don't know how to move forward with this and how far into my life I should let him. It's a tough situation. Thoughts?
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I'm sorry.
Do you want to see him? Because if you do, even if you are disgusted by him (which I totally understand) then maybe you should arrange a timetable, after talking with your mum and arrange times to see him. Like on weekends, or once a week..
If not, then don't. Tell him, you want nothing to do with him.
He is you father though, and if he loves you and wants to be apart of your life, thats something at least.
-My dad cheated on my mum, and caused a lot of problems in my family, my mum even attempted suicide, something I'll never forgive my dad for. But were a family, and we've stuck together.-
Do whatever you think is best, for you and your mum.
Good luck. Hope your family works it out.
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The same thing happened with my parents. Hard as it is to do, you have to realize that dad may be an asshole (mine was) but he's still your dad. You can still love him and not like the way he acts. My dad knew very well I didn't approve of his antics, but I didn't keep him out of my life.
Like it was for me, you do have the advantage of being an adult already. You have your own life to lead and dad, who is now a bit of an outsider, won't be a huge part of your life anymore anyway.
Comfort mom but encourage her to move on when you think enough time has past. I know how devastated she is right now, but do not allow yourself to become her sole means of entertainment. You have to go out and do your own thing.
If there is a relative or friend in the picture, I would even discourage her from doing a lot of crying on your shoulder. You don't need all the details & you don't want her to become so dependent on you that your life screeches to a halt.
I understand that may not be the situation, just trying to help you avoid a possible problem in the future.
Best of luck to you & your mom.
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You have all the right to be mad at him and resent him and hate him because he hurt you just like he hurt your mother, not only because you love your mother and your hurting cause she's hurting, but because he should've thought of you too,not only your mother, when he cheated. And i know how it must feel. But here is the thing,in life, no matter what our parents do, or how wrong they are,or how bad they treat us, or or or..etc they are not your friends, so you can't just snap at them and break up with them, but they are your parents, and no matter what, you must show them respect, even if inside of you, you've lost all respect to them, you still must show it and act it, and simply be diplomatic. You're not expected to do anything more but be respectful to them. And don't even fight with your dad or tell him to stay away or fight with him because of what he did, cause what he did is done and nothing is gonna change it,it would only make matters worse if you fight with him. So you just be respectful and talk to him in a diplomatic way.
If you need any other help, feel free to contact me. Best of luck!
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Forgiveness is a word that has a million meanings.
This is a choice only YOU can make, Sometimes people do things in life that we can never forget. However, Remember you have one father and whatever choice you make in life he will always be your dad. Resenting your father is understandable considering all that has happened. A question you need to ask yourself is...Are you able to forgive him? One thing I've always told everyone who has a problem with someone is "Whatever choice you make, Make sure you don't go to your grave with regrets." Life is short, It is what we make it and sometimes choices we make in life become ones that have consequences. If you decide to burn the bridge with your father know that apart of you may always feel "empty". On the other hand if you decide to cut ties, Are you able to live with the consequences? I ask because I myself do not have a father due to a similar situation. Some say a person is perfectly capable of forgiveness. I say, We all have our limitations to how many times our feelings will be stepped on. YOU know your father better than us advicenators, Only you know if your father will choose his wife, If he is serious about being a role model from here on out. This is a choice you need to make. Are you able to deal with the fact that your father is with the woman that he was seeing while he was married to your mother? Are you able to except her? These are questions you need to ask yourself and when you have the answers you have yet to decide.
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Have you thought about seeing a counselor about this? Because this is a pretty heavy question and I think only you can decide what to do about this. I don't blame you for being angry at your father, but I hope you can try to remove yourself from the divorce which is something that happened between your parents -- his adultery has nothing to do with you.
If I were you I would not write Dad off completely, but I would be very cautious. If you haven't seen a counselor, you should. Your school may offer free services -- most do.
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