|
Mom....
19/f
Hi! I'm writing here because I'm having some issues with my mom. Let me tell you a little bit about myself. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom. I never really had a relationship with my dad until now. Now we are close. But, before, it was really just me and my mom. We live with my grandparents (her parents). In June 2009, the day after I graduated from high school, my parents decided to tell me I was adopted. I just met my biological family in June. When I was younger, I noticed some peculiar things. My mom was like kind of overly obsessed with me. By obsessed, I mean that since I was 13, and talking to a boy for the first time, she would sit by the computer while I was IMing and tell me what to say. Let me just make you aware that I went to an all girls school so this really WAS the first boy i talked to. It was a really big deal for me. She would make me put the phone on speaker and tell me everything to say. She checked my myspace back when that was the thing. She checked it CONSTANTLY. She would write on people's myspace's as ME! and when I changed my password, she would tell me she would never speak to me again if I changed it. She put me in a school I hated because it had high security. She wouldn't let me do my own makeup EVER. Since I was 14, she would do my make-up even just to go to the movies, and it was like a lot. It was make up for someone that's my age now, not a 14 year old. I don't know. I love her so much, but I just didn't know why she was like that. But, after she told me I was adopted, I understood some of it. All she wanted was a baby, and she got one. That was her life. She was overly protective because she was afraid I'd find out or someone would tell me. So, I understood a little bit of it. It's not that she was protective in the sense that she wouldn't let me do anything. She would let me go out and live, but, she just never gave me any privacy. For college, I wanted to leave. I wanted to go to California for college. After they told me I was adopted, I decided to stay. I wanted to be closer to home, close to my friends and family. I also wanted to be close to my dad, because we had just started getting close. So, I am in the university, but living at home. Although things are better, because my mom has given me my privacy, it seems like she still wants to run my life. She tells me who I can LIKE and who I can't. She tells me what to eat, what to do. She tells me what clubs to join at school, which ones not to. Obviously, I don't listen..... but, she just needs to stop and accept me as an adult. I honestly can't take these things seriously. I mean, I'm the furthest thing from a trouble maker that you can imagine. But, these are decisions I have to make on my own. I just need to get her to understand that. I'm very responsible. I've worked all my life. I make my own money. I'm in the University. Right now, I don't plan on going to California, because things have tied up here. My friends and I have gotten closer. I've joined cheerleading and I'm in a sorority. So, I like it. I'm happy here and I don't plan on leaving any time soon. I don't have enough money to get my own place. I LOVE my mom. She is my best friend in the whole world. But, I need her to step back and let me be an adult. Can anyone offer me any advice on how to do this?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I think you need to sit your mother down & tell her
how you feel say you'd like for her to trust you & give you more freedom to be your own person & do your own things your a adult now and your responsible you'll make the right decisions she's got to let go of you a little in order for you to be able to experience the world & everything
it has to offer tell her that it would make you very happy if she did that she needs to accept you & the fact that your a adult who's grown your no longer a child anymore tell her nicely you'd like it if she stopped controlling every aspect of your life(:
]
Let me just say first, you are incredibly lucky to have SO many people that love you and care about you. You have your family, who have adopted you and love you entirely and your biological family who obviously loves & cares about you. You're also incredibly lucky to have your mom as your best friend, and to have a mom that wants to be involved in your life (I have that too, and I'm always told how lucky I am).
But getting down to business.. It's a good thing you're starting to understand why you're mom is trying to integrate herself to every aspect of your life (because she's scared of losing you). Understanding is the first step. You have to sit and talk with your mom. Tell her how much you love her and how grateful you are for everything she has done for you, and also tell her she is not only your mother, but your best friend. (Moms love to hear that!) Calmly let her know that you're in college now, and 19 and it's time you start making decisions on your own. Bring up your track record (and by that I mean, let her know you have never been a trouble maker or involved in dangerous things). Ask her if she can let go a little bit, and let you make some choices and that she can have her input too, but to back off a bit. If you talk maturely and openly, your mom will be more receptive and agreeing. Make sure she knows you won't just abandon her and run off, or that you won't let her in on your life.. make sure she knows you want her advice and input, but just not on everything.
]
More Questions: |