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Autistic child abandoned by deadbeat dad, his relative wanting to see her
3 year old girl, autistic with severe delays, abandoned by her father 2.5 years, no support, he doesnt care to know her diagnosis', doesnt call, gave christmas presents via his mother, lives in another state but let a year go by without even trying to see her (4 hour drive). his stepmom calls every few months to see the child. should an abandoned little girl with a family who adores her allow her to see the only one of "deadbeat, past father who abandoned her's stepmother", or cut the family off with the divorce and have him provide his relatives with visitation or not. we want what is in the best interest of the child thanks!
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The best interests of the child include love and support of any family member willing and able to give it.
They also include not inviting legal battles over visitation rights.
There is no reason to deny access to a doting grandparent, even merely a 'step-grandparent', for the sins of her stepson. Allowing a grandmother to bring presents, and visit occasionally is not "throwing the child into his family"; it is simply "maintaining respectful relationships with the extended family members who are capable of them."
If this woman has done nothing wrong herself, how can it harm the child to have her love and support even in small ways?
Also, the grandparents have been granted visitation rights in many countries and states now. Many judges have come to believe that a child has a right to know their extended family and that grandparent's visitation is an important and beneficial thing.
Unless there is a problem with this woman herself and her behavoir, try not to label her as 'a problem' simply because of her step son. It smacks of vengeance and blaming to exclude someone because of the behavoir of someone else. Instead, welcome her support and the value the connection, however small, that it gives the child to the other side of her family. Knowing that someone loves her is always in her best interests.
EDIT in response to feedback:
How could I blame you? You never even said this situation was about you... You asked it as a hypothetical...
Since you seemed to feel there was reason to be rid of this grandmother, was it so crazy for me to say caustion you agianst treating her as a problem? Was it so crazy to for me to imagine that maybe there was a problem you just hadn't mentioned here that would warrent such a sever response?
I did nothing but assumed the best about this family, the mother and grandmother. I can't fathom your anger with me for advising you that love should always be welcomed, and that legally, grandparents have certain rights.
My heart goes out to you because I know how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs, but I think you let your own concerns and fears of being judged take over here, and over-reacted to some well meaning advice.
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I would let her see the child, at the child's home (just to be safe) with other people present. His family shouldn't be blamed for his mistakes. If they want to see her, what's the harm? What if you don't let her see the child (or the mother doesn't), and she grows up wondering why no one on her father's side wanted anything to do with her?
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