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Freeloading brother-in-law killing my marriage
28/f This is a tough one - I have been married for 6 years to a wonderful, hardworking man. We work full time and are both in college full time. The problem is that his family is a bunch of losers who live off the government and anyone else they can and are alcoholics. His one brother in particular is the problem. He keeps getting dropped on our doorstep with nowhere to go. We help him get a job, license, car, and money in his pocket - basically "re-raise" him. When we ask him to start pitching in a few months later, he throws a fit and hits the road, only to be dropped off again a few months later after he has lost absolutely everything. He bounces around from person to person and is absolutely incapable of living on his own. He's not stupid, just VERY lazy. We are in the process of being licensed for foster care/adoption and he cannot be here because he has a record and we have only 1 spare bedroom in our house. My husband won't kick him out on the street but if I have to keep supporting him I'm going to have to leave for the sake of my own sanity. This has been going on since his brother got out of prison 3 years ago. I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't disrespect us so much. He runs up our bills without caring and never appreciates what we have done for him. I work from home so I am in my house with him 24/7 and as I am working my butt off, I see him pacing the house saying "I'm so bored". I could just scream! My question is, how can I get rid of him and save my marriage? Do you see any options for this brother-in-law or will I have to risk ending my marriage by putting my foot down once and for all?
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You really are going to have to put your foot down. Its hard to do but you need to help make your husband realize he isn't doing his brother any real favor by allowing himself to be used.
Most people like this this only get it together when they absolutely have to. Your brother in law doesn't have to. He has a soft place to fall.
It sounds to me as if you and your husband have done everything in your power to help this man.
He hasn't taken that help to better himself.
Look up some homeless shelter addresses. Have them on hand and when someone tries to drop him off, simply say take him here, we no longer have a room for him.
Tell your husband it is time for you and him to have your own family. You can be polite to his dysfunctional family, but you don't have to condone their behavior by allowing it to interfere in yours. And that is basically what he is doing with his brother. He's saying go out and be irresponsible. I'll save you when you get into trouble.
Its time for his brother to grow up. He's gonna have to do that on his own. Your husband may feel some guilt about it but he shouldn't. He got out
of the mess, probably on his own. He needs to let his brother do the same.
Sit down when you are both in a good mood and seriously have a discussion about it. He may get
a little upset, but I think if you talk it out, you will come to a conclusion you can both live with. You and your future kids have got to come first with him.
Best of luck.
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