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I hurt him, he still likes me...I think I like him, too.
Hi, 22/f, he's 28/m.
Background: I worked at a coffee shop. Andy is one of the regulars. We talked a lot, hung out a little, and wound up dating for a month when I was broken up with my long-term on-and-off mess/boyfriend, Mike. Because I was still addicted to Mike, I broke it off with Andy. He understood, and hated myself for doing it, but I had to. Leading him on would've been wrong...
More than a year later: I no longer work at the coffee shop, Mike and I are done, and I've started hanging out with the regulars again, including Andy. A bunch of us went to the bar last night, and he made it pretty clear that he still likes me.
He's a good man, he's intelligent, he's fun, he's respectful, we have a lot in common...I don't know. I'm just kind of afraid to get back into a relationship with him because I hurt him last time. If we like each other, though, shouldn't we pursue it, if we're both single (which we are)? Should we just make sure we take things REALLY slow? I've been considering getting back into the dating scene lately, but dating around, not seriously...y'know? Just have some fun. What if he wants something more serious, and I hurt him again?
I need advice on this; I'm used to dealing with a hypersensitive, narcissistic, borderline guy...I don't think I know how to handle a normal one.
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You are over thinking this.
If you aren't sure you are ready to be in a relationship, be up front about that and don't be 'in a relationship' with him. Also be upfront about your concerns that you hurt his feelings last time, it's not unnatural to be worried that those old bad feelings could spill over into anything new.
Neither of you are clueless, Andy knows he is into you and you know it too. So just come out and say "Dude, I know we have this chemistry, but I don't know where I'm at right now."
The trick is honesty. Don't say 'Take it slow' when what you mean is 'I want to date around'. Don't say 'I'm just afraid I'll hurt you!' if the truth is 'I don't know I want a relationship with you right now'.
Don't back down from uncomfortable things if you know they are true. Having this conversation soon will help you avoid 'falling into something' and the confusion that goes with it.
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I think you should get into a relationship with him
you both like one another and you've got things in common and your both single those are all advantages for you yes you should take things slow it's never good to rush things while in
a relationship you might not be as lucky if you do turn him down & find another guy since every guy is different before you do make it offical make sure he truely wants to be in a serious relationship or not explain to him how you feel i say go for it..it's worth a shot & if for some reason things don't go right you'll still know you tried instead of doing nothing and you regretting it later on don't jump to conclusions so quickly you maybe surprised at how things turn out go for it! (:
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I'm used to that same kind of guy, so when the normal one comes around your like ummm wtf do i do?
lol. So i think if your genuinely interested in this guy then definitely start dating him, go on small dates, hangout and decide wether you guys want to be like bf gf or like "talkin" but only to each-other. I say just go with the flow, if things go fast then hey they go fast, what is the worst that will happen.. your 22, have fun, if he wants something too serious let him know that at this point in time you are not ready for that, but if he can handle your pace than that's great.
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