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22f in College-- Do I choose the rock star life or the settled life?
22F- I have a great boyfriend who I love dearly but I met this great older man (51) last summer and we had a fantastic time. He's wealthy and enjoys traveling and doing things that I want to try. I have been avoiding him but I'm being drawn back to his lifestyle since summer is coming up. He has a boat, helicopter, huge house, motorcycles... and he will pay for most of the expenses on whatever we do. I went on a trip with him and some of his friends last fall and had a fantastic time but I had to lie to my dad about it. My mom knew who I was with from the get-go but I didn't tell my dad the whole story until I got back. I know my parents won't be very keen on me traveling with the 51m and I don't know how to tell them that I want to try new things and travel and I don't want to pass a great opportunity. But my bf and I have been together 5 months and we are in a great place. He just graduated college and I'll graduate in May. He lives and works about 2 hours from my hometown (where I want to live after I grad) and I don't think he wants to move. I've told him I want to live back in my hometown and he just doesn't jump on board with it. He has a great family and he's the last of 4 to get married. I get along with everyone in his family very well, also. We have discussed marriage (which is what I want ultimately out of life) and children (I want 1-2 and he wants 3-4) but he doesn't have the funds to propose to me or anything, which I'm not sure if I would say yes if he proposed. I guess I need advice on what to do. Should I break it off and have fun and be young with the spontaneous older man or should I suck it up and sacrifice this opportunity to stay with my boyfriend and strengthen our relationship? What should I do about my parents?
a little more:
I usually date older men
I have a tendency to cheat on my bf's when I see them going sour
I feel like I am sacrificing my youth to be serious
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
What you really need to choose is not the lifestyle you wish to marry into, but the person. Do you love either of them enough to imagine spending the rest of your life with them?
Who makes you feel special when you are with them? What feels right?
Marrying for money won't guarantee happiness.
As for having children, you could still have kids with the older man, if thats what he wants as well.
Don't make this choice as if these are the only two men you have a chance to start a life with. If you feel yourself bargaining, maybe neither is right for you.
This is something you need to think about and you shouldn't rush to make a decision. Maybe wait til you graduate college? Being able to be independent financially can make the decision easier.
It may be hard to talk to your parents about this, but you could probably benefit from their advice.
Take time to really understand what makes you happy in life, not just a path that looks good to you.
Good luck,
-Abby
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Your 22 years old and you want to travel the world with a 51 year old? Honey i'm sorry but your crazy!!!
You are not sacrificing your youth to be with your boyfriend, your finding out what life is all about! You obviously love him if you say you could marry him if he asked you.
This older man is more like another father to you. Sounds like your excited because this man could PAY for everything for you. What do you think he would want in exchange? Sex of course. Do you really want to be 40 years old and married to a 70 year old?
You really need to think about the way you treat people. Cheating on your boyfriends when you feel they are getting sour. Obviously you can't committ to just one person. Do you ever consider the boyfriends feelings or do you just break it off because you feel they are committing to much to you?!
You don't have to be serious at 22.. Tell me.. Why do you feel you need a boyfriend? If you want to be young.. why don't you be single and find out what you really want in life?! Don't sacrifice these men's feelings for your own benefit.. they are people too!!!
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"(which is what I want ultimately out of life)"
That pretty much answers your question, don't you figure?
Then again, since you seem worried about this guy even being able to afford a ring for you, are you going to eventually make a guy miserable because he can't provide you with the pretty things in life? If so, how is that fair to HIM?
You are 22 years old, and you're just going to have to decide what makes you happy in life, love or money, and go for it without regret.
"I feel like I am sacrificing my youth to be serious"
Welcome to Life, where responsible adults sacrifice all of the time. You have to work it out with yourself, though, what is worth sacrifice to you. Either you sacrifice the material lifestyle, or you sacrifice the married with children lifestyle.
Think carefully.
Choose wisely.
31/f
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