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I'm adopted and want to meet my birth mother. How do I tell my parents?
I was adopted when I was little and I really want to meet the woman who gave birth to me. I'm curious about what she is like, especially since I spent a whopping 9 months inside of her :)
I don't know how to approach my parents about this though. I know my mom is going to cry because she's totally going to feel like I'm choosing my birth mother over her. I'm not though because my parents actually RAISED me and taught me stuff while my birth mother just, well, gave birth to me. I don't want to hide this from them either and I really do need their support.
I haven't really talked to my parents much about my birth mother to begin with because I'm nervous. How do I start asking questions about her to my parents who adopted me so that I can get on track to finding my birth mom?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm sure as adoptive parents, they would have taken on board that one day, you may want to know more about your birth mother.
There's no need to feel bad about asking questions and the possibility of finding her. It certainly does not mean you love your adoptive parents any less and you are right, they are the ones who raised you and you will always see them as your parents - tell thim this, even though they already know - it's just nice to hear.
Do you know what your birth mother was like? Do you know why she gave you up for adoption? Have you seen photographs of her? Know her full name and where she might be living? If not, start with the basics like these. If you know the answers, just come straight out and say something like "I've been thinking.. I'm curious and would like to meet my birth mum, is it a good idea or not?" - then see how they react..
Just don't feel like a bad person when what you're doing is normal and most people in your shoes would do the same.
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Well, this is definitely something you should never hide from your family because in the end it will hurt more. Tell them that you love them and you hope that after what you are going to ask won't change how they feel. Tell them that lately you have been thinking about your birth mother and why she gave you up. Make sure you clarify that you still love them and no matter what they are your parents. You just need to make sure that you let them know that no matter what you uncover, you will always want to be with them. The first place you need to check is your birth ceritifcate, it should ahve your birth mothers name on it. After you check that, look at the hospital you were born in, they should still have records on her. The hospital might be able to tell you what adoption agency she used and go there and they should have information contacts on file for you to contact her with.
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