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stop judging me
17/f and 16/m
my boyfriend and i have been going out for 8 months.. technically 9, and we havent done anything sexual. i mean, we have made out and hes felt me up but we havent gone farther than that. im waiting until im older to have sex, preferably married or engaged and he wants to wait too.
but heres the thing, when people ask me if ive had sex yet, and i say no.. they act all surprised and are like, WHY NOT?!! ITS BEEN 8 MONTHS, THATS SO LONG!!
even my parents think ive done sexual things with my boyfriend, and i HAVENT. ive never done anything sexual with anyone. why doesnt anyone believe me? and also, i get honesty box messages on facebook that say, "i dont know why your boyfriend is still with you if you havent given it up to him yet." [from boys]
am i not normal? i dont care if i am or not, its not going to change my mind on having sex or doing other sexual things, but i dont know. any advice or anything would be helpful, thanks.
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your very wise for choosing to wait to have sex, you are both still young, and its YOUR relationship, no one elses, your the ones who control what happens, no one else. 8 months...or 2 years, its doesnt matter, its still sex, and sex can be dangerous, you do it when your ready, not because people are making fun of you for it.
with that being said, you are PERFECTLY, let me repeat that, PERFECTLY normal. just because you havent had sex, doesnt make you less or more normal than anyone else. yeah, you might get made fun of for it, and if people come up to you, you dont need to say anything, just ignore it and walk away, they'll eventually stop. and if it doesnt, just tell them it bothers you and to stop, theres no harm in sticking up for yourself right? im glad all of this doesnt change your mind, your very strong, and very wise. if it doesnt bother you or your boyfriend, it shouldnt matter to anyone else, and if it does, screw them.
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havin sex is normal in our society for teens, so thats obviously why theyre so suprised because for normal relationships thats a long time not to have sex. good for you that you guys decided to wait, but if you and your boyfriend tell people you havent had sex thats the green light for people to voice their opinion. either tell them its none of their business and have them think you had sex or GET OVER It. if 'all that matters is that you're happy' then whats the problem?
i say just forget about it because people are gonna say what they want and showin them that it bothers you just gives them all the more reason to do so.
x sweeethoney
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EDIT//
Sorry. Your additional information doesn't change my advice. If you insist on telling people anything at all about you sex life, you are basically given them permissino to tell you thier opinion. You can't control what they THINK, or what gossip and shit they talk behind your back. There is no way to stop that, not ever in life. The only thing you have slightest bit of control over is what they feel free to SAY. Shutting them up a bit is the best you can hope for.
//EDIT
So, why are telling people anything at all about your sex life...
The correct response to inquiries about whether or not you've had sex with your boyfriend is "None of your beeswax!"
Stop getting your panties in a knot about other people's thoughts. You can't control other people's thoughts, however, if you don't want to talk about this with judgemental and nasty people, end those conversation immediately with a swift "Sorry, my sex life with my boyfriend is personal. It's just not something I talk about with anyone."
Talk to your boyfriend about this. Talk to him about two things: One, what are his feelings about this? Does it upset him or bother him? And Two, get him on board with your “No more talking about our sex lives except with our closest friends” and ask him to ask his closest friends to keep it to themselves.
You’ve got too many people who have absolutely nothing to do with your relationship voicing their opinions. You can’t change it that they HAVE opinions and thoughts and judgements. But working together with your boyfriend you can encourage them to keep them to themselves.
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