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Soul Mate?
I am 39 years old female with 3 children (ages 13, 10,& 7) from my 10 year marriage that ended about 3 years ago. I met a younger man who I really fell hard for. We had a child together. Our son is now 1. My son's father really wanted this child. This is his first child.
My ex-husband was abusive through-out our marriage, but was a good provider and he has remained very active in our children's lives after our divorce. The father of my 1 year old is unemployed and was abusive to me, so I left him. I have now seen him in 10 months. He had some problems, but he says he has changed and that he loves me and his child and that it is not right that I am keeping his child from him. My parents and my children do not like him.
I still have some feelings for him and can not seem to forget about him even though I have stayed strong and not answered the phone when he calls, but I sometimes feel I am robbing my son of his father and I would like some help in raising my son sometimes. I sometimes want my youngest child to know his father like my other 3 do. Should I continue to keep my son from his father? My family would be very upset if I allow him to see his son.
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your family is always going to love you this wont make them hate you and let him be in his sons lfe. and you know you have feeelings so let it go try again and if he lied then give it up you tryed and thats it you gave him a chance and it was the same then forget it start dating again .
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You have two separate problems here.
The first problem, is that you still have feelings for someone you probably shouldn't ever be in a relationship with again.
The second problem, is that you are denying your youngest son's father visitation.
Although these problems are tied together in your mind, they are actually very separate issues, and you need to look at them as such.
Your young son's father might never be the kind of dad you'd hope for your son, but he is his dad still. Unless there was a safety reason to deny him visitation, you are legally (and I think morally) obligated to let the son and father know one another. His dad has legal rights, and your son has the right to know his dad too. It's wrong of you to stand in the way of that because of your personal feelings. The only OK reason to do that, would be if his father was dangerous to him.
However, you need to make sure that just because you do the right thing, by letting your youngest son know his father, doesn't mean you end up doing the wrong thing, by rushing back into a relationship that was abusive and wrong for you. It sounds like you have a family who will support you on this, so explain your position to them “I”m letting him see his son, he isn't going to start seeing me again.” And stick to it.
You have a habit of falling in with abusive men. You should probably seek therapy to help you break that pattern, and to help you deal with having this man in your life for your son's sake, without you falling back into a destructive relationship.
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