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Very complicated
I dont know where to start, so ill just start.
I am 18 weeks pregnant, 19 years old and have been with my now 20 year old boyfriend since we were 17. Found out about the pregnancy in October, we were living in an apartment with my bestfriend and her boyfriend. I started to get very bad morning sickness, constant vomit and fevers because of the dehydration so I decided it would be best to stop working for a few months. My boyfriend got layed off at the same time. Seeing the position we were in my wonderful mother took both of us in because he had noowhere to go. This was Dec. 1st. The agreement was 250 a month when we got jobs and to be clean and respectful. My boyfriend started his new job with in a couple of weeks. He is terrible with money, he blows through his 680 dollar checks in a matter of 5 days or less. Granted he buys me food or what ever i ask for, but then he holds it against me. (BUT during our apartment stay he lived off of me for two months, rent food fun everything i paid for) Also in the time he doesnt have money or we didnt have jobs he was usually talking me into getting a direct deposit advance (a loan from my bank that will with drawl 35 days later) Also, he smokes weed, and Im completley okay with it. we are laid back people and i believe that weed is completley fine, much more relaxed than drinking. but the problem is, all of his money goes to weed, and all of my advances went to weed. now the 35 days are catching up, i do have a job now but havent gotten paid yet. and my bf got his mom to loan him 80 dollars. 50 of which went to weed, idk where the other 30 went, but now im out of gas and cant get to work tonight (we share a car). This is a constant story, and he hasnt been attempting to save at all and he hasnt given my mother any money and im always picking up after him and his friends are always over when i get home from work. hes a sweet guy but i dk what im doing wrong, i cant get him to see the way he is is not okay. Next month i told him he is giving my mom money and me 600 every month until we move out so we arent out on our ass with a baby when we do (september)and im not taking "well can i jst pay this" for an answer bc thats what ive been hearing and he still has a 300 rent to own bill and a 300 E.R. bill and a 200 communit college bill(he never attended. he hasnt called to discuss finacial assistance or tell them he doesnt have the money either. theres more . Im going crazy bc he doesnt listen to me and always tells me my negative energy is bringing him down and always brushes me off. i have noone to talk to about me or how i feel and its starting to make me depressed. my friends just arent much for advice or conversation i dont feel comfortable whining to them bc they come to me for advice, bc i am always gonna tell them whats best for them, but in return i get the answers that will make me happy. i need more. i need advice. I also finally decided "okay, im gonna do this im gonna go to school" but then discussed with my mom the dilemma of him wanting to go to school and work and how i do not believe in daycare, we decided maybe i should wait and if we save the money I have planned, (like 6000 by sept) than i can stay home with baby, he can go to school and work full time and in 4 years hell have a career, baby will be in preschool, and i can start my school. (a vet tech program that takes 2 years) my mom and i decided that i would try school in august, but thinking all realisticly i dont want my child in daycare, i worked at one and it was not pretty. and i dont mind the stay at home mom idea. I just dont want him to think it gives him the right to control me bc i am not making any money. gosh everything is just frustrating, between him not having any money, me putting off at school, figuring out how i am going to raise a child when he sometimes treats me like i am just here for what ever purpose he thinks i am, and then the idea that we CAN do this. I have not given that up. i just am so lost with noone to talk to and i just dont know what to do and it breaks my heart because i love him, thats how i got myself here. Since we were 17 ive been the money maker, paying for everything, i took him in my home, i moved out with him under the stupid notion it would help him, and part of me wonders if he got me pregnant on purpose because i was so set on becoming my own person with my own place and my own life when we moved out. I have been in a serious relationship since i was 14, and he knows i was going to break up with him, it was obvious. Now here we are and i sit here and cry everymorning and i dont even know what i want anyone to tell me bc i dont know which is a problem and which is normal. or if im being overly dramatic. i just doint know. i just cant take it anymore and wish my baby was here so i had someone to love that has to love me and wont make me feel bad for feeling the way i do
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they have pregant women for model on model mayham im a pluzsize model i just like to help people [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) it might help you in some way.
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It's not really that complicated. You have a baby on the way, and your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck up and be a good provider and father. The questions are, A) can he do it, B) how long is it going to take him, and C) can you wait that long?
To figure out A) and B), you're going to have to have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Don't yell, don't cry, just calmly sit down with him some night (when you both have time and he's not high) with a calendar, a calculator, and a notebook, and say it's time to make some plans and set some goals. If he repeatedly balks at this or just keeps saying over and over that you're being "negative," just tell him the truth - there's nothing "negative" about planning for the future. In fact, it's positive. And if he can't agree to this even in principle or cooperate at all, he may have some sort of emotional or mental problem. You may want to reconsider whether you want such a man in your life beyond some sort of court-ordered paternity arrangement, and you should feel free to tell him so.
However - it may not come to that. A lot of guys don't grow up until they become fathers. But you need to let him know that you expect this of him, and that there is a deadline for the two of you to sit down and have that talk (and several more like it) about the future. It may be before the baby is due, or it may be some time after. But there's got to be a deadline and he needs to know when it is.
Good luck!
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all you can do is make him listen. my husband can be the same way. We just got married I have a 3 year old and we have a baby on the way due in two weeks. spends money like crazy money that we do not have. its stressful. you need to sit doown make him listen tell him that he needs to relize what is more important spending money on junk or saving so you can start your family the best way to do it is sit down and get him to listen. my husband finally filled out applications and turned them into today for some jobs. he hasnt worked in over a year and i had to stop because i was getting dizzy and passing out during my pregnancy. good luck i hope he relizes what is more important. oh and i used to smoke week after my first son and i quit you can have your child taken away from you when you test positive for marijuana.
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