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humorist-workshop
how to win him over
16/f
This guy Brian and I used to be really good friends but I'm pretty sure he liked me and I didn't like him back last year. We are still good friends but not as close as last year. Since I didn't like him he moved on to another girl but this girl, Alyssa, says she wants a relationship but doesn't want it to be official. What she means by this is she wants someone always there and around but she doesn't want it to be official because she'll have the pressure of having to do stuff. She is really prude, her and Brian had a thing for months and they only hooked up for a second the other night. I don't mean to bash on her but there really is nothing good about her, no personality, not very attractive, plain bitch, and prude. Now that I realize that I like him and want a real relationship how do I show him that? I am never good with showing people I like them, I always get really shy. But I am really serious about this and feel like we would have such a good relationship and my friends think so too. I think he is really just settling for her because there is no one else that he knows definetely likes him. So give me any ideas, suggestions. Thanks!!
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hey I'm stuck in the same situation except I can't win him over because he is dating my friend and they seem happy so I know exactly how you feel My advice to you is talk to Brian about how you feel you have nothing to lose. If he tells you he wants to be with the other girl tell him that it's ok and you hope you guys can still be friends.if you truely are meant to be together than destiney will put him in your path again. Hope I helped you out.
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Dear Sister:
Leave Brian and Alyssa alone.
You don't really know anything about them or what they really mean to each other.
You are conflicted and ambivalent and that is not a great foundation for a relationship.
You say that you don't want to bash on Alyssa and then you do just that.
If you want to start having healthy relationships as a woman..and you will soon be a woman so you had better start practicing, then you need start practicing generosity and kindness. Calling someone a 'plain bitch' and stating that there is 'nothing good about her' are examples of your weaknesses not hers.
Start by being a friend among friends. Say kind and supportive things about and to them. Be supportive of their relationship to the extent it is meaningful to them.
In the short term maybe you can figure out a way to break them up, cause suffering and in the end you can get what you want, the boy. The long term result for you will be a shallow and selfish personality and a life of unfulfilling and unsatisfactory relationships. You deserve better than this. Now is the time for you to change course and to focus on being a truly kind and generous person.
If you want a media role model to personify this advice. Read Jane Austen's novel "Emma" and if you are not a reader or consider classic literature to be "so last century" then rent the video "Clueless" and learn form Alicia Silverstone's character about what I am advising you to do.
Yes, the movie was made in the 90's and the its hard to believe that those shoe box sized plastic cases with antennas were, in fact, cell phones. But the themes are timeless, the film, hilarious and (don't tell anyone because it might ruin it) it is itself actually a modern retelling of Austen's "Emma".
You stand at a great moment of reckoning in your life. Seize it and use your power to benefit others. You will realize a return of incomparable value. You are worthy and deserving of nothing less!
Good luck my sister!
Viniya
I received your response and feedback. You state:
"I'm not trying to ruin their relationship, I've thought about all of this. The thing is, they do not have a relationship, just putting that out there. All they did was kiss one time so please do not think that I'm some sort of boyfriend stealer because that is not that case whatsoever and I would never do that to someone else.."
Alright, fair enough. But did you find my advice about kindness and generosity to be so impaired as to deserve a rating of "1"? Which by that way is the first time I have been rated below five and I wonder if you are being unnecessarily hard on me the way you were on Alyssa. Did you not find my advice sound about how to proceed into adulthood in a kind and generous way? I didn't lie to you. I told you the truth and it does not seem that you want to hear it. I never said you were a "boyfriend stealer". I said that you probably could steal him if you wanted to. I imagine you are way up on the food chain above this poor Alyssa girl. You could probably have any boy you want. That's all I was saying.
I would ask you again to consider a path of more generosity. Both for me and for Alyssa. And I do want you to thrive and live a fantastic and powerful life. I am on your side.
Respectfully,
Viniya
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