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I am in a really complicated relationship
Okay... This guy asked me out yesterday... But he is a Coulerd and i am white. I really like him alot but he broke my heart a few months ago. He aked me out and then told me 3 days later he has a gf. There have been other Boys but none of them took his place and as soon as they said they loved me i backed out. I am 14 and he is 16 and i know my parents wont be okay with it if they found out(the skincolour). No one knows about it yet but soon they will start finding out. I dont know what to do now. Last time the whole school was gossiping about me and i sort of got a bad name. My best friend is black and worried i get hurt again. We always have to be on the lookout but he doesnt care who knows or finds out and i do but im to scared to tell him that... i like him but i am not so sure i love him. He said that he lovez me. Sumhow i trust him but i saw some of the letters him and one of my friends wrote to each other and he said he likes me... alot and i have a talanted body. i Dont understand or really know him and he thinks im really shy but he doesnt even look at me when he talks to me. i like him but i dont love him but i dont think i wanna lose him without even trying to make it all work. I dunno what to do... i am a 14 year old girl from South Africa. HELP!!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Look,
First of all don't ever let a guy toy with you the way he did. If he asked you out and then 3 days later he told you he had a girlfriend then clearly not only is he a liar but what the heck?! Who is he to lead you on. You do not deserve a guy who is going to lie to you, and play with your feelings. Yes there are so many fish in the sea and I hate to tell you but he is not the only guy out there. Hun, Look if you like a guy that has a dark skin color that is OKAY. Sometimes there are people who are out there that think differently but in the end everyone is equal. We are all human and we all have feelings and there is nothing wrong with loving or caring for someone who isn't the same color as you. It's okay to love someone who is handicapped, heavyset, big hair, purple eyes, tall, short with green hair etc. We can't help who we love and don't ever let someone tell you that it is not okay.
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Well, you need to talk to your parent or they will never trust you in relationships. Also if he treated you like that...he ain't really worth it.
You need to think for yourself. There are tons of guys in this world. :D
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It sounds like you have a lot of things potentially standing between you, but if you really like him, they can be overcome.
First off, don't worry about people's opinions. Teenagers talk, and if you wanted to never be talked about you would probably live a boring life. It's not them who likes this guy, and it's not them who would feel bad if you stopped seeing him just to keep the gossip down.
I know racism is very real and probably more prevalent in South Africa then it is where I live. Hateful comments may come to you but if you really care about this guy, it won't matter so much. Do you like him enough to deal with that?
Parents are hard to deal with too. I would bring your guy over and introduce him as a friend (maybe with a few other people as well) and let them get used to the idea. They treat your black best friend with respect, right? The age difference might be a problem, so I wouldn't mention his age right away...of course don't lie but don't bring it up.
Now is this guy worth it to you? Does he treat you well? If he only into you for the physical part of a relationship? I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. You could say that it's going to be hard to get your family and friends used to the idea, but you'll do it because you really like him. Tell him about what's worrying you. Ask him if he feels the same. I think it's important to realize you two probably don't love each other yet; you are both young and haven't been together long enough to know that. Some girls do anything for a guy who says 'I love you' and it's not fair to them. Know that a loving relationship is equal: 50/50 give and take. If he isn't willing to do that then it may not be worth it.
You can always start the relationship slowly and see where it goes.
Good luck,
-Abby
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