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Jealousy
18/f
Long story short, I am insecure, and I have dated my bf for about 2 years now. We even live together due to certain complications lol. But, I hate when I start a debate and end up finding out obvious things like the fact that he looks at other girls, especially areas quite uncomfortable. And all he says is "I try to look away, and distract myself, which I do, by finding some other guy who looks stupid staring at the girl". It really gets me jealous... I wish I weren't insecure and jealous, and I cant help it, can anyone try and help mee?
sincerely,
insecurely jealous.
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Ok, I deal with this exact same issue (being insecure) constantly, so I'll share with you what I've learned so far. First of all...become extremely more aware of your own habits. When you go out alone (maybe to the store or something...whatever it is), when you're out with your friends, and when you're out with him; be competely honest with youreslf... do you ever take a glance or two at other guys and think "hmmm" or "kinda cute"? This is why I say to observe your own behavior, cause I didn't notice that I do it, myself. If the answer is "yes" then CONGRATULATIONS...you're human! And so is your boyfriend.
Now, back to yourself, how did you feel when you glanced at that guy? If you're anything like me, you probably notices that he was cute...maybe even did a double take...and then went on your way. Chances are later on during the day, you probably forgot that you even saw him. With that said, this is probably the same thing that happens in your boyfriend's mind. He's human, and I know we as girls don't like to admit it, but you are not the only physically attractive person on the earth. But you are HIS only physically attractive person. He looks at other girls for a few seconds...maybe even a minute, but he looks at you a lot longer and a lot more often. Why? BECAUSE HE WANTS TO!! You have to keep in mind that he chose you. And even while looking at other girls...for some reason, he stays with you. So you gotta be doing something right, and that thought alone should help at least a little with the insecurity.
Now then, (this is the part that I'm still having issues with) you've probably heard it before....men are visual. They're drawn to what they see. This is a concept that your classic "good girl" misses, while those more commonly classified as "sluts" have mastered. If you want him to keep his eyes on you, you've gotta give him something to look at. I'm not suggesting that you walk around naked 24/7, but little things like putting on makeup everyday, paying extra attention to your hair instead of throwing it in a ponytail, keeping your finger and toe nails done, wearing jeans instead of sweatpants (that's my kryptonite lol), etc., really makes a difference. Not only do you feel better about yourself, but you become someone that he's not only emotionally attracted to, but someone that he continues to be physically attracted to. We as women come up with so many excuses..."I don't have time", "i don't have to do all that, he loves me just the way I am", and so on. My answer to those: make time...get up earlier, whatever you have to do, and those days when you just don't feel like it...do it anyway. You'll be glad that you did because when you look good, you feel good. And, yes, he probably does love you just the way you are, but he's still a man, he still likes what he sees, and he's still human...nothing you can do can change that.
I hope that helps. Just remember...1: he's gonna look (he's a guy and he's human...it sucks but that's the bottom line) and you've probably taken a glance or two yourself, what's important are his actions and feelings towards you. 2: Give him something to keep looking at. It's tiresome at times, and let's face it...it gets expensive! But it's worth it.
And lastly, 3: remember who you are, and remind yourself constantly that you're awesome. It's not conceited...it's the truth, and those of us with insecurities forget that. It's not so much the other person that makes you jealous, but rather the question "what do they have that I don't?". As long as you know who you are, and you're proud of that person, then you keep your head up no matter what!!!
P.S. Keep in mind, these are totally my own opinions, and expiriences, and I could have totally missed the mark as far as your thoughts and/or feelings. If I did, let me know. I wanna make sure that I'm helping...not just blabbing lol.
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I dunno about you, But I would feel sad if my female partner was checkin out other men, thats a respect breaker, i don't see the difference with yours, he gains nothing from you other then that you get jealous, so he probably likes it.
I would suggest telling him about it, and if he shrugs it off then gee, i suppose he just doesn't care very much about you hmm?
its okay to look at another woman in a non sexual way, its when you romanticizes it or say that mm i'd like to tap that
if he does it all the time esp infront of you then he has no respect for you
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boys will be boys. men are the more.. should i say hornier gender of the two. im sure he doesnt mean anythin by it, but guys lookin at girls is jus a habit. i mean, that doesnt make it right but you have to give them some leeway because theyre so used to it. youve been with him for 2 years, which obviously shows that he wants to be with you over any other girl that hes checked out, so take that into consideration and try to work somethin out.
dont go out to places where there are a ton of girls to at. im sure that you check out other dudes, not lookin at their package or nothin, but you have to admit other guys are good lookin besides your man.
that doesnt mean that youre doin anythin bad, you just have to work on it together !
good luck :)
x sweeethoney
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So long as he's only looking & dosen't touch no harm done. He's with you. All guys look at other chicks they can't help it, it's just the way they are. Woman are the stonger sex men just cannot accept this fact. It's not the wisest thing to debate your spouse. instead say what you mean & mean what you say. Men don't like too much information they get lost in transcript. Keep your shots short & sweet and to the point. Remind him he wouldn't apprieciate you oggling another guy. you will become more confident if you address your insecurities as they happen but don't blow them out of purportion. Good luck.
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