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let him go to party?
hey im 18 and my boyfriend is 21. his ex girlfriend who he is still friends with invited him to her 21st birthday party. its of course going to be a drinking party and such. the only issue I have a problem with is 4 of his ex girlfriends are going to be there one who still has feelings for him. plus he would be spending the night there. 2 of his ex girlfriends have boyfriends so he assured me not to worry. he said he would only go if one of his guy friends went. but he really wants to go because he hasn't hung out with them in a while. I asked him kinda vise versa like if my ex boyfriends were going to a party and I was invited and going to spend the night type of thing. he kinda hesitated and didn't give me an answer. should I let him go I mean I don't want to control him I just find it kind of awkward. thanks for the advice I rate!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
1. How long have the two of you been together? Long enough to be known as an item?
2. Much to my surprise, you weren't invited as well.
3. Does the girl having the party know about you?
4. He should have insisted on bringing you when he got the invite so that sucks right off the bat.
5. This guy goes through girls like most people go through underwear. That raises eyebrows. He seems a little too popular to me.
6."...he said he would only go if one of his guy friends went". How about only going if you went.
Doesn't sound kosher to me. Tell him to go and have fun. Your going out with your ex, but not to worry. You won't be drinking that much.
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Long answer, good way to build trust:
Tell him just how you feel. Say you don't want to control him, but you are just nervous about what could happen, especially if he drinks. Tell him you know he won't intentionally do anything that will hurt you, but you aren't comfortable with him being with so many exes while they may not be completely sensible and might try to take advantage if he has been drinking as well.
Would you feel more comfortable if he didn't sleep over? Tell him so. Let him know what worries you and why, but don't be pushy or difficult. Listen to what he has to say about it. Then, let him go, even if he decides to stay over. Don't give any rules or anything. Just say "I trust you, especially since you let me tell you how I feel. Have fun."
Then, don't worry. The next day, when you see him (don't call him first thing in the morning. That will just tell him you don't trust him), ask if he had a good time and leave it at that.
It is very hard, but if he listened to your reasoning, nothing will have happened. If anyone tries anything, he will stop her and, if you aren't pushing him distrustfully, he will likely tell you about it. Guys are weird. The less you ask, the more they are willing to tell. They get defensive and hide everything if you bug them about it because they become afraid that you will be angry no matter what the reality is.
If he starts acting weird right after, and you haven't been trying to get details from him about the party, you might want to bring it up. Again, don't push. Say "you've been acting a little weird since the party. Is everything ok?" Because you have shown trust in him, he'll tell you.
Thing is, this isn't just a guy quirk. I was engaged and was going out with friends. My fiancee got really controlling over what I could and couldn't do with them that night. So, I almost hooked up with another guy just because I felt I was already being punished for it. We aren't together anymore. Don't make your guy feel punished. Give him freedom and he won't abuse it. It will, ultimately, be great for your relationship.
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