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How do I tell him I DON'T want to be friends with benefits?
I have this guy friend that I've had a crush on for forever. I finally told him two or three weeks ago and he handled it surprisingly well. I figured that we would get past it and nothing more would really be said about it since he wasn't interested in me back like that.
Well, the end of last week got really weird. He has been calling me a little more lately but last week he started to sound more and more, well, sexual to me. I mean, he started making comments to me about my body and how I take care of my figure. He even went as far as to say how he had...er...dreams of me sometimes.
I didn't want him to not be my friend any more so I just shrugged the comments off like they didn't effect me at all. Today though was a different story and I can't really just ignore it. I see that my harmless, "I have a huge crush on you!" confession is being taken as a hook-up request.
Today he calls and says he's been thinking and that we could really be great in a friends with benefits type of relationship. He started to tell me how I would be really happy and fulfilled and he would be happy to please me. It got really creepy and I just kind of lied and said my mom needed me and to call me later and I hung up.
How do I tell him that I just don't want to be friends with benefits? I'm not that type of girl. Yes, I like him but I don't want to be used, you know? I feel like I made a huge mistake and have ruined what a great friendship we had simply because I told him I had a crush on him. What do I do? Can my friendship be salvaged? Do I just tell him to lay off with the sexual stuff because I am not interested in that? Ugh, I feel so stupid...
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You shouldn't feel stupid =] You told the truth and he's turning it into a weird scenario. The only way to tell him.. is to be direct.. not harsh but let him know your morals. When your talking to him and the conversation comes up again just say "Wow, you think I'm that kinda girl, I'd never do the friends with benefits thing.. that's not my style." Find anther dude who's gonna want you for you and who's gonna want to be in a LONG lasting relationship.
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Dont feel stupid at all, I know how you feel, Im not that kind of girl either. All you have to say to him is something like:
"Youre really cute and all but Im saving up for that special guy (laugh) :-) "
or
"Thats really sweet that you compliment me and think Im cute but Im not really into the benefits thing, we should just stay friends. :-) "
it will work dont worry, just keep using those terms (modified to your style talking) and he will let go. Guys will respect you so much more if they know they cant just use you, good decision! Im proud of you and I dont even know you that well :-)
Good Luck!!!
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I understand how you feel COMPLETELY! Same exact thing happend to me. He's basically taking the feelings you have for him to his advantage. Why? Because he's a guy! And at a young age, quite honestly, all they care about is sex. I don't know this guy, and I'm sure he's not doing it on purpose to hurt you (unless, he's a player/jerk type of guy..).
What's with all the body compliments?: I'm sure you've heard that guy's will say pretty much anything to get in your pants. That's actually VERY true. The guy who did this same exact thing to me would always give me compliments on how I look. They think "If I give her some compliments..maybe she'll sleep with me."
I agree with you about him calling you to tell you to be friends with benefits is very creepy. However, a lot of guys do that too. The guy I knew actually texted me, after I told him many times I wanted a relationship, and he say's "We don't need the relationship..you can just have all the benefits of it though." Rude right? Exactly! That's how many of them are. But, not ALL.
My whole point is!: You have to tell him as soon as possible that you don't want to be friends with benefits. I never did that until a while later because I didn't want to lose the friendship, which was my biggest mistake. If you don't tell him, he's not going to stop. So just simply tell him how you feel. And you can even add that you still want to remain friends.
Good luck!
Hope I helped :).
Feel free to inbox me if you need anymore advice.
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well i dont see why you wouldnt want to be friends with benefits. if hes nice and all, than you should be FWB. unless you were in a relationship with somebody else. if you really DONT want that kind of relationship with him, then just tell him. its better off that way. If he cant handle it than thats his problem. GOOD LUCK!
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