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I want to be popular
I want to be popular and hang out with the "cool" group. But I don't know how to start a conversation... it's not that im not friendly, I am! And I always talked to everyone but I want to change my look this year and I want to see how it felt to hang out with the popular people can you help?
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The reason we have the "cool" groups in our societies is because everyone that thinks they aren't cool want to be just like them. Its hard to explain, but most of the time everyone looks at the cool group as the prettiest girls, and the most outgoing, thats so not true. You shouldn't have to try that hard to be in their group. Trust me, I know from experience. It's perfectly okay to want to be their friends, but labeling yourself as being in a certaint "level group" is just upsetting to me. You are worth so much more than that. What is being popular anyway? Does it hold true to the dictionary definition, or is there more to it? Being popular is being well known, are you well known? Whatever you do, just be yourself, and dont leave behind who you really are, your morals, or the friends you have right now. Pressure is tough to deal with, and accepting is hard to do. I know what it's like to feel the way you do, and I have grown and learned from it, and now Im trying to pass along what I know to you. If you want to be friends with them, do it because they are nice people, not because they are the most "popular." :-)
Good luck!!!!
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From there:
First of all, if you THINK you're going to be alone and have a pessimistic view on your potential for making friends, you will be alone.
That being said, making friends really isn't all that hard. Just talk to people! Here are a few ways you can start a conversation:
1. Compliment them.
- If they're wearing a nice pair of shoes, or some cute jeans, tell them. Let them know you like their shoes, and then ask where they got them. After that, ask if they're comfortable or something. Don't be annoying about it, but take interest in the person you're talking to, and hopefully, chances are they'll show interest back.
2. Find something you have in common.
- If they're wearing a band shirt, and it's a band you like, tell them! For example, say they are wearing a Rocket Summer shirt, say to them, "I see you have on a Rocket Summer shirt, do you like his music?" Then, after they answer, tell them your opinion on the band/artist.
3. Talk about your surroundings/where you are.
- Say it's after class and the person next to you is getting up to leave. Walk out next to him/her and comment on the class. Say something like, "That was kind of an interesting lesson." or "Was it just me, or was that lecture kind of boring?" or, if you're sitting outside on a bench, and somebody is sitting next to you, make a comment about the weather or where you are.
4. Make a joke!
- There's no better way to make friends with somebody than to make them smile/laugh. BUT don't make a joke about another person, it will make you look bad AND potentially hurt another person's feelings.
Also, the best way to impress somebody is to be yourself. I know that's it's so cliche, but it's honestly, the best tip I or anybody can give.
I mean, you don't want somebody to start liking you for the way you think THEY want you to act or talk or dress. Why would you want somebody to like you when you're not even being yourself?
Secondly, don't be shy! Just go up and talk to that boy/girl. Confidence is key. Strike up a conversation! Start it with something like, "I see you're wearing a Hit The Lights [or whatever band/sport's team, etc] shirt, are they your favorite?" Or, something like, "So I know we've never talked before, but you seem like a really cool person..."
So be yourself, and show that you're comfortable being just that. Be comfortable in your own skin, and chances are, you'll impress everybody.
-Laura (17-f)
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Just be yourself, Nobody becomes "popular" overnight. I'm not saying you do, but try not to over do things to get fit with the in crowd as it will only cause more embarrassing attention. I think you should just be yourself being "popular" only puts more stress and pressure on you because it becomes a competition between one another. People who become popular tend to forget who they truely are most of the time not to mention all the other crap that they get themselves into.
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It's a cliche but "Be Yourself". You want them to like you for you not a cool outfit, haircut or anything else that would grab their attention. How do you do that? It's simple don't try to impress a soul or get in with others.
Instead be kind to everyone, helpful, assertive, easy going, talkative and treat them the way you wish to be treated. Everyone will notice that and you'll be a nomad of the cliques because of your personality. Someone like that turns heads and draws them in like a moth to a flame.
The cool group isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Most if not all of them are followers and not leaders and bad students or troubled. They exclude others and are often attention seekers and more apt to fall into drugs/alcohol. You have to ask yourself if you really want to hang with some of these people.
Quit trying so hard to be friendly and everything you have been doing and just be you. They'll come to you when they see the kind of person you really are. If you want to change your look do it for fun and nothing else. Hair, nails, makeup etc. won't change any social problem at school. It's all in the attitude and personality. Either you're someone they want to be around or you aren't.
Starting conversations is easy. Treat it like talking to your parents, siblings or anyone else and just do it naturally. For example if classmate A is talking to classmate B about a band you like say "Excuse me I don't usually interupt but I couldn't help but overhear you talking about the concert. I was there too.... then get in that way. Look for openings like that to talk to new people.
If you go in all scared and nervous they'll not want to talk to because it makes them nervous. Just find the opening to talk or change the subject and do it naturally. Bottom line you have to LOVE who you are because others can't if you don't. They see this fear in your body language, attitude etc and back off.
Also try joining clubs, have your own parties where you include everyone in your class and see what evolves from that. Hang out in groups and get to know everyone else's set of friends. You'll have no problem if you're a nice person people respond to it eventually.
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1. Start with an introduction, and simply tell the new person your name. Offer your hand to shake, upon his/her responding to you. If you already know the person, skip this step and proceed to step 2.
2. Look around. See if there is anything worth pointing out. Sure, talking about the weather is a cliche, but if there's something unusual about it--shablam!--you've got a great topic of conversation.
3. Offer a compliment. Don't lie and say you love someone's hair when you think it's revolting, but if you like his or her shoes, or a handbag, say so. A sincere compliment is a wonderful way to get someone to warm up to you. But be careful not to say something so personal that you scare the person off or make him or her feel uncomfortable. It is best not to compliment a person's looks or body.
4. Ask questions! Most people love to talk about themselves --- get them going. "What classes are you taking this year?" but don't talk about yourself too much that makes you seem full of yourself. "Have you seen that new movie? What did you think of it?" Ask open ended questions that will get them talking. For example, a good question would be, "That's a nice handbag, where did you get it?" and then they can talk about the day that they went shopping and all this funny stuff happened, as opposed to, "I like your handbag." "Thank you." and then its over. Again, keep the questions light and not invasive. Do not ask too many questions if he or she is not responsive to them.
5. Jump on any conversation-starters he or she might offer; take something he or she has said and run with it. Agree, disagree, ask a question about it, or offer an opinion, just don't let it go by without notice.
6. Look your new found friend in the eye, it engenders trust (but don't stare). Also, use the person's name a time or two during the conversation; it will help you remember the name, and will draw the person's attention to what you are talking about. Smile a lot, and laugh when any quip is made by the other person.
7. Don't forget to smile and have fun with your conversation!
8. So, you should just be yourself and ask the question that you would think be the right thing to say but, give yourself some time to think about what you say before you say it.
* Just relax. Chances are that whatever small-talk you're making isn't going to stick out in anyone's mind a few months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as it's not offensive or really weird. (Unless, of course, the person you're attempting to converse with is into weird stuff.)
* Remember, if you think of something in your head while you're talking, it's probably related.
* It will help if you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot -- newspapers, magazines, and/or books. You need to have some idea of what is going on in the world. Also remember and plan to share anything you like, think is funny, or find intriguing. This is building up your own library of things that might be helpful to another person during a conversation someday. It will be amazing how you thread these interesting things when you least expect it, and make conversation an adventure instead of a dreadful task. If you take it to the next step and say things that you want the person to think of as adding value, and keep to yourself things that the person might not, you are actually honing your own personality to be appealing to the other person, and what is a greater act of kindness than that?
* If you are shy, it will be helpful to have thought about a topic or two that you could talk about.
* Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you have been going on for too long.
* Interesting and funny quotes or facts can lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about. You could also use a set of conversation starter question cards for inspiration.
* If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the conversation at all costs. If you can't come up with a good topic, try the "questions" game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that do not require a yes or no answer. For example "How do you know the hosts?" This way you can ask questions about what they just said or follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as if the conversation is an interrogation.
* Half of an effective conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are friendly and confident.
* Take a mental note of some amusing things that you saw or heard througout the day. For example, something funny someone said, a fun activity you did with your friends, or anything interesting. This can give way to future conversation.
* Watch some stand-up comedians or comedy shows to get an idea of how to start a conversation humorously. Usually, the leads you find will be funny, and you will not need much in common to talk about them.
* Remember, whoever you are talking to, you always have something in common. We all experience the weather, like good food, and enjoy a good laugh. When in doubt, just talk to them about what they are there for. For example, if you meet them at a bus stop, ask them where they are going. If they are from out of town, ask them about their life at home.
* Remember, feel comfortable and look neat, no one wants to talk to a slob.
* One last thing, it is important to practice getting conversations started. You may feel a little clumsy at first, but with practice it can become easy to start good conversations.
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--Jack
(17/m)
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