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my step-mom
so i have this 'step-mom' who isn't actually my step-mom i just tell people that she is. she is actually my fathers girlfriend whom he has a child with who is therefore my half-brother. so even though her and my father ar not married i call her my step-mom and ive known her for about three years. anyway, she used to be really nice to me, like even a couple weeks ago she was still nice to me, but lately she's been a complete bitch. i'm really sick right now and im getting surgery in a couple days, and when she gets home from work she comes in and yells at me for not doing anything and about how everythings dirty and how i didnt do anything all day and i just sat there and watched tv. what am i supposed to do, im freaking sick and i cant walk!!! she doesnt even look at me anymore, never talks or anything. my dad hasnt said anything about it either. she left on a trip with my half brother about an hour ago and didnt even let me say bye to him, and she didnt even say bye to me, she just left. what did i do to her? i dont know what i should do anymore, i try to be nice any chance i can but she blows me off. any suggestions?
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I can’t really be sure of this but it may be the fact that you are sick and taking your fathers attention away from her and their child. If I am right and this is the case she is not much of an adult. As any parent with more than one child and a spouse can attest to; it is possible to have enough love and attention to go around. Of course when one of the children or the other adult is ill that person is going to receive an inordinate amount of attention for the duration of their illness. That is just the way things are suppose to be and in most families everyone understands this.
Of course there could be other reasons why your “step-mom” may be acting the way she is towards you. It just may be that she can’t handle the fact you are ill and she will have to be your primary caregiver. Having no other way to tell you or your father this she chose to pick a fight with you, again not much of an adult way to handle things. Then of course there may be a problem between her and your father and she has chosen to take out on you.
The best thing to do in this situation is to have a private talk with your father and tell him how you feel and how you feel your step-mother is treating you. The fact that you are going to have surgery means you have to be well rested and calm prior to the surgery. If your step-mom is doing things to upset you I would think your father would want to know about it.
Good luck with the surgery and I hope the surgery corrects whatever is wrong.
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I think you should talk to her and your father about it. It's not fair that you have to deal with her being rude to you, especially when you're ill and about to get surgery. You really shouldn't be stressing out about things like that right now.
To be honest, there are just people like that. I don't know if she's always felt like that and is just showing it now or what. But I know a lot of people that get mad when they're at work and someone else is at home. When I lived back home, my father would get mad at me if I was at home when he got home from work, even if I was only how because I had a day off of work. She might just really hate her job and has misplaced anger that she's putting on you.
Either way, it needs to stop. So if you're not comfortable talking to her about it at all, try talking to your father first. Tell him how she's been acting (even if he's already seen it first hand) and ask him if he'll talk to her about how she's been acting.
In all honesty, you probably didn't do anything to her to deserve a reaction like that. She probably just upset because you've been sick and laying around the house while she's at work. It's stupid, of course, but as I said; she's probably just got misplaced anger.
It might clear up once you get your surgery done and get back to moving around and helping around the house. You should still talk to her or your father about it though, even if it is just for future reference.
If you decided to talk to her about it, approach her with it when she's calm and relaxed a while after she gets home from work or on one of her days off. Say something like, "We've always gotten along really well, but since I got ill, I feel like you've been angry with me. What did I do wrong?"
It will be straightforward and you'll get a direct answer back. She might not even realise that she's been acting like such a wench to you. If you bring it to her attention, she'll be able to figure out where her anger is coming from and put the blame on the right person or situation.
Darby(:
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I think you should talk to your dad in private and tell him how you feel. Say it in a way where you are not making her look like a bad person that way he doesn't feel threatened. Explain the digression and what you would like to see change. ie. she was nice she used to be social and now she is not looking at me, fussing a lot, not letting me say goodbye to my bro, etc. and this is what I would like to see change... Then ask him if you can have a meeting between the three of you before he talks to her that way she doesn't feel attacked. Then you can express your self and she can too. There may be something going on between them or maybe she is just stressed and taking it out on you...maybe even she is starting to feel like you are a threat, you never know what her and your dad have talked about or what her and her family have talked about. Have a nice open conversation and what ever you do, BE NICE...be as nice and reserved as you can be. This way you don't look like an angry little imature teenager...show them how mature you can be and show them that you expect the same maturity to be shown toward you and see what happens. If that doesn't work...come back on here and we'll help you out! :)
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