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Question Posted Thursday July 30 2009, 5:22 am

Friends, I am in desperate need of help, I am 40 happily married and a lovely family but recently on a long haul work related trip I badly rather we badly fell for each other that is me and my friend/colleague since the past 20 years. He has always been been my close friend, very trusted and we would share our worries and actually grew our families on each others experiences. But this new feeling is devastating, I know I am deadly in love with him and he too is. The attraction is so obvious that we would be lying if we deny it. I do not want to leave my family neither does he, but we love each other as well. It was a damned moment when we argued on something simple and he apologised and we felt how anything we do and say reaches our hearts. Later on we even talked about it, held each other and realised there is no future, and we do not want our families to hurt, but we do not know what to do.

Help


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Friday July 31 2009, 1:31 am:
I am sending him desperate SMS, call him on cell, he says he misses me, my heart aches if he delays returning calls. I am sleeping 1/10th of the time then before this discovery. It is a week that I have returned back but i failed to forget him or not remember him in a special way. I was sleepless for 5 nights straight and took sleeping pills every now and then to sleep with no sleep and ultimately ended up in a hospital for 2 days. My husband and child is perplexed what happened, they have no clue they thought that a bug got in me or over worked during the out of country travel. I travel overseas a lot. Such feelings are strange for me as I am a serious minded workholic a scholar and researcher. Now this seem too difficult to handle, I just feel tortured feeling so love stricken and that too like a 20 year old one yikes.

any idea how log it takes to get over an affair with no future???
.

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della22 answered Thursday July 30 2009, 9:22 pm:
i would agree with the people under me saying knock it off and get your priorities straight, (which should be your kids), but the heart wants what the heart wants. you shouldn't go through life miserable. what you have to decide is whether being with him is truly worth leaving your family. its a complicated thing. but no matter what, do not cheat!!! that is what will truly tear your family apart. i wish you luck and hope your heart finds peace and happiness.

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venom_97 answered Thursday July 30 2009, 2:26 pm:
You said you are happily married and you seem to love your family being that you care for their feelings.

I have been there and done that. The grass is never greener on the other side. I think that you are longing to feel the feeling of newness, and freshness; therefore I encourage you to do something new and fresh in your marriage that you have. Also being that this thing with the other guy was years ago, you could also be reaching back for some of your youth too. I noticed you mentioned "like a 20 year old". As we get older, we do need some type of rejuvination, but find it in yourself, your family, and your husband. Please stop communicating with that other man, because if your husband did it, you would go off, now keep it real. Do some statiscal research girl, most affairs start at work and you know it is not even worth it. I know it too. So be strong, true, real and faithful to not only your husband but your family. Good luck and leave that man alone girl. Hey, watch the movie a family that preys...

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Cassiopea answered Thursday July 30 2009, 2:11 pm:
I somewhat agree with the pervious person. It might have been a fling which I am sure you know the feeling is very similar to the real thing. But if you really are in love with him it will happen one way or another, so if you don't want to hurt your family you should probably stay away from him...hopefully you will get over him without too many ramafications. good luck!

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hitler_the_goat answered Thursday July 30 2009, 12:05 pm:
okay, I'll jump on this grenade. knock it off. you've already got a family, so consider this a good time to find another job. take some zoloft and never talk to him again.
-gunner

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