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Strangers ... !!
I know I've never been close to my family and they all call me heartless and mean because of how I act. The thing is I have a really short temper, like if someone got me angry I would actually go blind, like I pushed my father before who is 60 years old.
It's weird that I can be so mean but it's not because I'm mean, it's because they're so horrible it's sad to have them as my family, I feel like they are strangers. Sometimes I ask my myself 'why am I here?' or how come I feel like that.
When my mother hugs me or kisses me, I feel disguised. And right now my sister is getting divorced and she's only been married for 2 months, so she asked me for my help to tell my parents but all i did is yell at her for being childish, because it was her desision to get married to this guy and now she wants to leave him and that is major offence to my family to have a divorced daughter and shit. I was like call me and she goes like "you know i get shy to talk on the phone and I am going to start crying" so i got really angry and said really horrible stuff to her, and now she doesn't want to talk to me and I really don't care, like I don't mind (seriosuly deep deep inside I don't give a F****). And when my father was in hospital I didn't give a F**** either nor bother to go to the hospital for a visit. I know I'm mean because they are all s o evil and mean, and they all made my life a living hell but ... Is it normal to feel like they are strangers and when they touch me I feel disguised?
I'm very nice to others, like people always tell me Your some we can trust to be there for us and such but I just can't take my family, I think it's only because I feel like they are strangers.
ugh help
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I cannot say if how you feel toward your family is normal or not. What I do feel is you are not alone in how you feel. I myself am among those who have disgust for a parent. In my case it is my father who I have not spoken to in over nine years. It was not till I was seriously injured in an auto accident and suffered a bout of deep depression as a result of my injuries that I fully understood why I am so disgusted by my father. Working with a trained psychologist I found that what I always felt my father had held against me from childhood was actually something that happened about the time of my conception.
So as I said you are not alone in how you feel. I feel you too may have a form of depression that is fostering some of your feelings. I would suggest you seek out a psychologist for some talk therapy. The therapy may not change how you feel about your family but will allow you the insight you need to understand your feelings. Once you understand your feelings and why you feel as you do then you can work on how to deal with them. Once you have done this you will feel better about yourself and how you deal with your family. Once you feel better about yourself any depression you are suffering should abate.
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I can't say exactly that I have been in your situation, because in all honesty I never have been. The only thing I can tell you is that my father hated me along with one of my older sisters. It completely messed me up at times where sometimes I didn't know the truth from reality and it scared me. The thing is though, even though I hated them for what they either did or what they didn't do, it still hurt to know that my father wasn't there for me. I ended up hating my father til the day he died, and then I broke down crying because I wasn't able to tell him how I really felt. Sometimes things happens to where your family does indeed feel like they are strangers, but they are still your family. Maybe you need to re-evaluate things in your life and try to figure out why things are happening the way they are happening. It may be difficult, but let me assure you...you'll want to at least figure out what has been going on, or else it might be too late. Try to talk to your family, sit down and talk with them and figure out what it is that is bothering you to them. If you never tell them, they will never know.
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