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I feel so guilty.
16/f
I know this is long, but I feel so miserable about this. And please don't answer unless you read the whole thing. I'll know if you didn't read the whole thing.
My best friend in the whole entire world is a guy. I love him to death and we've been friends since freshman year. (I'm a junior now).
He's had a steady girlfriend for almost a year now, and I've had like on and off boyfriends since 9th grade.
We're so close and he's always been there for me like giving me advice about things when I'm stuck and I listen to him when he's having a problem. And I know this sounds really cliche, but he really gets me. And no, I mean he REALLY understands me. He's the person who calls me out when I'm being selfish or not nice, but does it in a way that makes me want to be a better person because he gives me such great advice in such a kind way. Generally, just an amazing person.
I recently got myself into a relationship with someone who I thought was really nice at first, but it turns out he's a creep and is just looking for sex, which I'm not going to give him. And he's not respectful of me at all and I'm so frustrated and I feel so stupid for getting myself into this.
So I told the above mentioned best friend about this at this get-together the other day and he got upset about it because he really cares about me and looks after me. He was there for me giving me advice and just being so kind to me.
And then he told me that I deserve to have a boyfriend who isn't a creep (not an altogether out there request lol).
And then he said that he wants to help me find someone. And he got like real quiet and said "If you could have anyone, even if they had a girlfriend, who would you have?" And I just looked at him and didn't say anything. And he looked over at his girlfriend who was talking with some friends and got this far off sad look.
Then he mentioned how like we both need to find someone. He told me how his girlfriend cheated on him this year, and how it killed him but he's still with her. When he told me this, my heart broke for him. I just wanted to erase it for him. =\
He tells me he wants someone for me who respects me and loves me. And while we sat there, me listening to all he was telling me about how a relationship should have romance and respect and stuff, I like wanted to cry. Because then I realized that I like him as much more than a friend.
But he has a girlfriend. And even though she cheated on him, he loves her so much. And she doesn't realize what she's got with him. He's so kind and sweet and loving and caring. And it sucks that I just now realized he's everything I'm looking for. And I'm such a terrible person.
I have a boyfriend, though we've only been dating a month, and he has a girlfriend.
I just ugh. I'm so frustrated with myself. Everybody's been saying for like 2 years that we are made for each other, and he admitted that he really liked me freshman year. But I was so stupid and hung up on other people, and now I realize what they're talking about. God, I'm just so frustrated with myself.
I know it's selfish and I know it's wrong of both of us. And I don't know what to do. I love him so much, just now in a different way. And I haven't yet had a relationship that's felt like a "real" relationship. And it's just too bad that this is another thing that I'm just not going to have. And I don't want him to break up with his girlfriend just to make me happy, but for once I want to be happy. Is that wrong?
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I don't think either of you are wrong. You're BEST FRIENDS, and would do ANYTHING for each other. When two people are that close, it's almost inevitable that you wonder about taking your relationship to the next level.
That being said, I agree with the person below who said that when your friend asked you about having any guy, that he wanted you to say him.
"I just ugh. I'm so frustrated with myself. Everybody's been saying for like 2 years that we are made for each other, and he admitted that he really liked me freshman year. But I was so stupid and hung up on other people, and now I realize what they're talking about. God, I'm just so frustrated with myself."
I know exactly how you feel, because this happened to me. The reason our situations are different is because I didn't return the feelings for my friend. But you DO, and you should tell your friend. I think what the two of you have sounds really great and you shouldn't let it pass you by.
-Laura (17-f)
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No ... It's not wrong to want happiness, it's what you should be doing on this planet.
The guy obviously likes you, in other words 'have feelings towards you'.
So yeah... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Go up to him, in other words 'confront him' and tell him exactly how you feel, and when I say 'exactly' I mean everything that you had just written on this page. And see what happens from there.
Good Luck =]=]
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It isnt wrong that you want to be happy. From what you've wrote, it seems like hes in love with you, but he loves his girlfriend too. Hes probably feeling just as guilty and as confused as you are, because he probably wants to be with you, but wants to stay with his girlfriend. He shouldnt be with that girl if she cheated on him. If you seriously want a relationship with him, talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel, because some things you wrote sounds like:
"If you could have anyone, even if they had a girlfriend, who would you have?"
Im almost positive he wanted you to say you wanted him. Thats EXACTLY what it sounds like.
"Then he mentioned how like we both need to find someone"
That sounds like he doesnt want to be with his girlfriend anymore.
You both seem to love and care about each other. I'd say talk to him about it. Tell him you want to be with him and put yourself out there. If its meant to be, you two will give it a shot. If it doesnt work out, slowly get back to where you were.
Hope i helped. Good luck (: xoxo
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