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A college boy's wandering eye..
Some background information before I start: I'm in high school. My boyfriend just graduated high school. We have a fairly strong relationship and plan on living together as soon as we both finish college. He's had one other serious girlfriend, who he dated for 3 years. He loved her but went too far one night with another friend of his. Though he was completely honest about it with her and they tried to repair their relationship, the damage was done, and they broke up. He met me soon after, and our relationship began.
Even though I know we truly love each other, I can't help but think that I'm only second best in his heart. He has conflicting feelings about his ex-girlfriend still, after all of this time with me. He says that he can't stand her anymore and wouldn't talk to her if he saw her, but it's clear to me that somewhere inside, he still loves her.
This is where the problem begins. They're going to college together. The chance that they would see each other is very high, and knowing the type of person my boyfriend is (the type who likes problems resolved and who can't forget problems), he would talk to her. I know he wouldn't plan to do anything with her and that if anything did happen, he would tell me straight away. But I'm scared that it will happen, and that he'll choose her over me. I would be truly heartbroken if I lost him.
I'm scared to talk to him about this because I'm afraid of the truth, hearing what I don't want to be true.
What do you make of this situation?
P.S. Sorry about the long post!
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this is an advice column and you should expect several different opinions from different people.
i noticed that Bahaima gave a pretty good peice of advice, and warned you to be careful. I agree with her. I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years now. when he broke up with his ex girlfriend, he never talked to her again. he was over it. and we have had a very successful relationship. He is also older than me and when he graduated high school and moved on to college I had absolutely nothing to worry about.
i dont think it was fair that you gave bahaima a 3 rating just because she gave realistic advice.
if he sees his ex everyday and he stll has feelings for her, there is a slight chance he will try to get back with her.
im not saying that it will happen for sure, but there is a chance. and im just being realistic with you. and i want you to be careful that you dont get hurt by him. it may not be what you want to hear, but you shouldnt rate us LOW just because you didnt want to hear the truth.
i am here for you. if you want to ask me anything, just inbox me.
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Personally, i do not think you have a thing to worry about. You need to be confident that he loves you with all his heart and everything will be okay, never doubt that until he gives you a reason. He is a grown up, if he wants to talk to his ex he can, he is not doing anything wrong. Just because they talk does not mean he is cheating on you, just let it be. He might just want to mend the fences with her so he can get some closure and have a stronger relationship with you, thats not a bad thing at all. Try not to over analyze it, and when you do just think to your self that HE LOVES YOU, he picked you, and he is yours now. forever and always.
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Honestly, It sounds like your boyfriend isn't over his ex. Why would he still talk to her when he is with you? That sounds weird to me...There shouldn't be any reason at all that he would have contact with his exgirlfriend. If he truely moved on he wouldn't even bring her up. I would talk to him about it, Tell him that he needs to move on and focus on the relationship with you. If he keeps having contact with him anything could happen despite whether she is his exgirlfriend or not. Yes, He might be an honest kind of guy but when they screw things up they can also be very secretive. Let him know where he stands with you.
-BahaiMa22
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I think that just because he had the girlfriend in the past doesn't mean he's going to go back to her.
Talk to him about it; let him know how you feel. If you both talk out your feelings, things will be clear for both of you, and you'll be able to feel more comfortable with him seeing his ex.
Other than that, you can only pray that he will remain faithful to you.
--Jack
(17/m)
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