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Suicide, depression, what is going on with me?
15/f
I dont know if anyone can answer this. I just dont understand why even though when I hang out with my friends I have a good time and laugh, but when I get home I still go into a depression. I start playing really sad songs and I try to cut myself and I just start bawling and freaking out.
My best friend, who I love more than anything in a friendship kind of way, just moved away about 3 weeks ago. Then the boy I was seeing decided to abruptly end our relationship for no good reason. Ever since then I've been feeling so lonely, like there's no one around I can talk to or relate to and I feel abandoned. Then I always feel guilty cause of done many things Im not proud of (drinking mostly) but its constant and i always feel like my dad can see me and is so disappointed in me (he died when I was three.) No matter how bad i feel though i cant stop drinking and no matter how sick it makes me feel.
I dont really know how this can be answered, but does anyone feel what Im going through? I just dont understand cause, really not to sound conceited, ive been told im very pretty and my mom makes a pretty good salary and when i think of how much worse some people have it i feel selfish for wanting to end my life sometimes but i cant help it i still feel like everything is just going so wrong.
Please help. Im sorry this is so long.
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I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
In your letter you speak of three issues; cutting, depression and suicide. I cannot tell you why you feel the way you do, depression is triggered by any number of factors. What I can tell you is that recognizing you are depressed is the key too healing. Drinking does not help depression as alcohol is a depressant and an issue that needs to be faced as well. Suicide is part of the depression you feel and when you feel this way you need to get help immediately.
There are two hotlines you can call for help; the first is the National Suicide Prevention hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255), the other is a crisis Hotline at Girls and Boys Town: 1-800-448-3000. Both hotlines work the same way. They are staffed by trained professionals who you can talk freely to as anything you say is kept totally confidential. They will also provide you with people in your own community that you can go to for help, in many cases going so far as setting up the first appointment for you.
You are never alone; help is never any further away than your phone. If you ever feel that you are so depressed that you are going to hurt yourself you can dial 911 for help. The call takers are trained to help you while getting help to you.
As for treatment for depression it starts with your family doctor and a full physical to rule at any physical cause, then a referral to a psychiatrist for evaluation and proper medication. No you are not crazy; your family doctor does not have the training to properly evaluate your depression. Once the type of depression is known the psychiatrist will recommend a psychologist for you to work with to get at the cause of the depression and find what triggers your depressive episodes.
Last, you did not mention if you have spoken to your mother about how you are feeling. This is something you really need to do. As parents are primary job is the safety and welfare of our children. When our children do not share with us what is bothering them then we fail at our most important job in life. This is when teenagers say they cannot talk with their parents because their parents holler and scream at them when they try to talk to them. We holler and scream because we see ourselves failing and we are scared, hurt and unsure what to do, so we do what we do best. So talk to you mom calmly, tell her how you are feeling. If you are calm, mom will be calm and together you can work this out and get the help you need.
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I'm sorry :[ it must really suck to want to end your life, but at the same time knowing you don't actually want to. If you ended your life right now, just think about everything you'll miss ! and the risks you'll never take or the experiences you'll never live through.. you have your entire life ahead of you, and although it seems pretty sucky right now, you have to be positive in negative sides. Your dad wouldn't want you to cut yourself and have you end his life, everyone wants the best for you, and by hurting yourself and wanting to die, you are also hurting the people around you who love and care for you. It's not fair to you or them because you were given this life to live it to the fullest and just because some stupid boy broke your heart does NOT mean you won't ind someone else who will love you 10 times more, I promise you'll find that. Show him that it didn't affect you, and that you are the string girl that I know you CAN be. Prove yourself and everyone else wrong. Don't commit suicide, stop cutting yourself, and go out there and make something of yourself :] ! and your best friend moving ? I know it sucks, it majorly blows, but there's thing called technology these days and it's awesome :] haha you can still call your best friend, e-mail, facebook, video chat, ANY of that and it'll be like he/she is still here.
And for the things that you've done but regret and feel guilty just make you STRONGER because you've gotten through it and know that you no onger want to drink and all of that. You and I both know that this is not the life you want to live, so i suggest you ask someone for help. ask your mom to see a therapist of some sort, or call a hotline that can help you. You're not alone, and you can pull through this. I promise. You've just got to believe that you can.
hope I helped and if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me at anytime, no matter what. good luck :] xxo.
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hmmm, you seem to have a VERY tough life.
you can get through it, if you ended your life you would make others want to end theres.
would you want that?
If i were you i'd call the suicide prevention line, they will help a ton for you.
try to convince your mom to go visit your best friend every once and awhile.
you'll make it through this rough patch.
you could turn out to be someone who helps teens deal with this!
and make a foundation?
you can do anything if you set your mind on it!(:
i hope i helped(:
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Dude the last thing you want to do is cut yourself. Seriously, yeah.. I'm a stranger, and I doonntt know you but cutting doesn't get rid of stress. Think about it, you're leaving scars just to remember . Take a deep breath, relax. Yeah life is hard but shit, when isn't it? Maybe your drinking triggers it, that you need something to help yourself not feel so "lonley" . Its never EVER bad to go ask for some help. You're not alone, and it happens to a whoolle lot of ppeoplle ! Why are you going to feel bad? We all make mistakes, it shouldnt put you through depression. Were teenagers, we have a whole lot more to go/do with life. Just bare through and make the best of it, and things will get soo much better. School is almost coming up ( as much as i hate saying it ) but theres a PERFECT chance to meet new friends and to feel like you can share our feelings with. ha, and guys are just assholes.. lmao. sorry for any guy who is reading this. But seriously? They change their minds every freekin' 4 minutes. yeah yeah, you're probably reading this and going " alright.. nnneeextt "; but ... take it as advise. Honestly, it'll do you some good . Now cheer up, and how about we have some fun in our summer eh? ;]
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