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She got there first, and I got struck down on the first time
I have never had a boyfriend, nor have I felt the desire. I wanted to wait , until I was mature, ready. Last week, at a party, I met a guy. I just loved him, maybe not loved him, but wow.
I never like guys, but this was different. He had all the qualities, I really liked him.
My best friend, HAD a boyfriend at the time. They were going though a rocky patch.
A couple of days after , my best friend's relationship ended. She was PRETTY gutted. She said to me, I still love him. The guy I met invited her round (cos he did get to know her, as well) and he turned round and kissed her. She didnt stop it - obviously I know she was on the rebound - BUT she didn't even like him - I mean she was making little remarks about him during the party.
He said to her, that he really liked her. And now they are going out. WTF.
I am so hurt, I can't even breath. My friend doesnt know I've fallen for him, and now, they're happy together. I am so gutted, it hurts so bad, the first guy i like and I'm already been knocked down. I spoke to him and he was saying all this stuff about how happy they are and I had to sit there and smile.
& I have to be a best friend to her. I am not going to say I've fallen for him, when she's going out with him and she's on the rebound. But it hurts so bad because, well this is no jealousy issue she gets what she wants. I am second best against her(not as intelligent,pretty etc) that DOESNT bother me, because I know I am still a good person :) I am totally secure.
But she gets everything, and it's just lie YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND, why for once? Couldnt I get the guy? I've never felt this attraction, and now. It's over.
The whole gang go out together all the time, I have to sit there and be happy for them.
God, I''ve been crying. I never cry.
How do I get over this? I mean, what advice do you give me?
I Still wanna hang out with the gang - just because my best mate and him are there doesnt mean I should stop hanging out and dodging them. I should be happy for them, I should support her right no matter how much it hurts me, right?
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Dear 'She got there first'
OMJ, that totally just stinks! I am so sorry that happened to you. Like, really? Yikes.
Anyway, let's be straight, you've got to tell your friend how you feel. Just be like "(enter her name here), I don't want to upset you or make you angry but I need to talk to you about something. You know (enter his name here)? Well, before you two started going out, I had a golly big crush on him, I just thought I should let you know. But I swear to you, I will completely back off and support your relationship 100 percent." This way when they break up, give her time, but you can ask her about the possibility of you going after him and it won't take her totally off guard.
Because you see, I honestly don't think their relationship is going to last long. It sounds like they really rushed into the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing and didn't get to know eachother at all. But that's just my opinion.
For now though, you really do have to back off. You can't try to pursue him and you have to bury your feelings (sucky isn't it?) so that your friend gets her chance. She DID get there first. But that doesn't mean you and this boy can't be friends. Get to know him on a real level so if you ever do want to hook up with him in the future, you have a basis to build from. And maybe try to meet some more guys. You sound totally boy-deprived.
Goodluck!
xoxo
LoLL-i-PoP
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I can’t help but feel sad for you... You sound like a very strong girl. But, sweetie, sometimes you feel like your second best. But that's not true. You are an individual who for the first time liked someone. But he just couldn't be yours. Not this time at least. Think about it this way: Maybe its just not supposed to happen right now. Maybe some other guy is probably waiting right now for someone special and it could be you..
I say stick around with your gang. Get used to seeing those two because I know, for one thing, it might just ease the pain. Don’t compromise out on your happiness. And don't try and avoid the boy to get out of your misery. Think of him as just another guy. Try and be his best friend. One day he might just be yours. This is your first heartbreak. It's gonna suck big time! You won’t forget it. But at least you will learn from your experience.
I'm not trying to be preachy...But I actually felt really sad reading about your problem...
XO
DS89
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oh my god i know EXACTLY how you feel. I have a best friend that always gets what she wants and always gets the guy. Its very annoying.
You said that just before her and "your guy" got together she told you that she was still in love with her ex.
Well she might just be using "your guy" to make her ex jealous. Or like you said he could just be the rebound guy.
Either way I don't think that their relationship sounds like it's going to last very long.
I think that you should talk to him, get to know him, secretly flirt with him, just kinda make him fall in love with you,
so if/when their relationship comes to and end, he'll have you. Just make sure your friend doesn't find out and make sure that you don't end up being the rebound girl.
If they don't end up breaking up then don't worry about it. There are plenty of other guys out there and I'm sure you'll meet the right one, one day.
hope i helped.
good luck,
-kat
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hey,
ive been in this exact same position before. It is very heartwrenching i know. Im sorry you should feel second best!
know this. you shouldnt let them know how you feel. YET. I can almost promise you that if she was on the rebound, then their relationship probably isnt going to last long. as painful as it might be, stick it out, bide your time.
Also, im glad you finally found a guy that you like, but trust me, there will be lots more that catch your eye. :-)
steph/21/f
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