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bad....?
ok so....
15/f
So...um...my boyfriend and I have been hanging out a lot at his house and we're usually alone cuz his parents work and stuff. Lately he's been getting very....touchy. I mean, we've always kissed, but lately he's been going for my breasts and running his hands up my shirt and over my stomach and trying to get his hand down my pants. I really don't think I'm ready for that. I mean, I love him, a lot. But I don't think I'm ready for that. For him to finger me. Or give him a hj or bj, like he wants. How do you know you're ready for sex? But, actually, I guess mainly I'm concerned about, how do I get out of doing what I'm not ready to do, without him getting angry and/or dumping me? I mean, he has a bit of a temper, and he is very VERY inpatient, and he's gotten close to hitting me before. He'll raise a hand and then walk away, slam a few doors, kick some furniture and then come back like nothing happened. So, really, basically, how do I tell him no without getting hurt? I don't want to loose him, because I really really love him. But I'm just not ready for sex.
Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading. Any help appreciated.
Chail
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Whoa...
If your boyfriend has gotten "close" to hitting you then WHY? are you with him? Ugh.. yes, I agree it is a RED FLAG. Honestly, NO don't have sex with someone who treats you like this. You deserve so much better and the fact that you are worried about his temper tell me that you aren't thinking of having sex with him because you are afraid that this idiot is going to get mad at you. Sex is supposed to be with someone who loves you for who you are, respects you, cares for you and is there for you. Not for someone who is a complete idiot and is going to pressure you or make you worried that he will possibly hit you and god knows what eles. Clearly, He has issues if he even attempted to hit you. I say, It's time to leave him, move on. There is so much better out there and don't ever let someone talk you or make you feel pressured to doing something that you arent' ready for because sex is a one time thing when you are a virgin..Once you do it it's gone. Make sure it is with someone you truely love and someone that feels the same way for you.
-BahaiMa22
24/f
]
ok,
1. The fact that he has come close to hitting you is a HUGE RED FLAG> this relationship could turn toxic really fast and its not good for you.
2. You are 15. I can almost promise you that you are not in love like you think you are.
3. If he is as great of a guy as you keep claiming to be, sit him down and talk to him about it. BUT! do it at a time when things are not hot and heavy. Talk it over at dinner or while your out. If you do this there a chance that he will control his temper more.
4. IF you have the talk with him and he respects you for who you are and he "loves" you, then he wont try to make that move on you again. But girl IF HE DOES, then he didnt listen to what you had to say, and could force you to do something you will regret.
You are too young to be having sex just yet. Your first time needs to be special. NOT at his house and NOT until you are ready.
you will know when you are ready.
email me if you ever need any advice or support. im here for ya!
stephanie.ellick@gmail.com
steph 21/f
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Let me first say this, if he has gotten to the point where he has been close to hitting you, you are making the horrible mistake of staying with this kid. I don't care how angry or impatient he is, he is not to raise his hand at you, EVER. Whether or not he's a great guy, no one should ever ever ever physically and purposely hurt you. If I were you, I'd dump him right now considering just the little bit of information you gave of him. There are so many women who are being abused and can't get out of their relationship because they'd risk being abused more; you need to leave him while you can. Before he starts to actually hurt you.
I hope you take me up on this advice and understand what I'm trying to convey.
In the meantime, if you feel like you're not ready for ANYTHING, you need to say something. Don't let things just happen if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Let me tell you, a while back, I asked my boyfriend if he respected me, and as I'd hoped, he said yes. Right after I told him that I take things very slow and that I didn't intend on changing the way I am. He respects that and to this very day, when things start getting "touchy" he'll tell me, "if you're uncomfortable with anything, just tell me". He respects me and he respects my body. Your boyfriend needs to do the same thing. And if he doesn't know that:
A.) He's probably not worth your time (which I don't think he is anyway, but you obviously have a different view)
-OR-
B.) You need to make it PERFECTLY clear of your standards and morals.
If you're afraid he's going to blow up and get angry, there is no doubt in my mind this guy is complete garbage. If he's not gonna be patient and respectful towards you, he doesn't deserve anyone.
I can't tell you what/what not to do. But I can advise you and say what I think is right/best for you. Please make the best decision and break up with him. You may say you love him, but if he really loved you, he wouldn't raise his hand at you.
I hope I helped.
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You know you're ready when you don't have any doubt, fears, or second thoughts. Obviously, like you said, you're not ready.
I think you should talk to you boyfriend and let him know that he's going too far. Explain to him that you're NOT ready for what he wants to do. Chances are, if he's a good boyfriend and really cares about you, he'll understand and he'll stop making you feel uncomfortable.
As far as the temper, make sure to stay calm. Don't force yourself to do something you're not ready for just because of your boyfriend's temper. And if he ever DOES lay even a HAND on you, tell somebody. Abuse is a serious thing, don't brush it off like it's nothing. And if he DOES, then you shouldn't put up with it anymore, because anybody who would hit a girl and force her to do things she doesn't want to isn't worth your time anyways.
-Laura (17-f)
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