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My really good friend billy
So i have this really good friend billy.. and hes really really nice and all. But he has a lot of flaws and doesnt know how to fix em. He hooks up with like at LEAST 2 girls per day because he loves the sex and he knows its wrong and he knows that he chooses this. Hes very strong Christian as am i. But I keep thinking that when ever me and him hang out something is always wrong and he just wont be straight about it. He has had a lot of crap in his life... hes been raped a couple of times, taken, hes seen his friend get shot before, he use to do drugs, use to be in a gang... but hes all better now and hes turning to God. The only problem is he loves the sex. And he has so much crap going on in his life that he can't even look at himself in the mirror if he knows that one of his friends is unhappy. Because he feels that its his job to make them happy even though hes unhappy. I don't know what to tell him. He opened up to me the other and he cried about it. he cant live on the rest of the day knowing that something is wrong with one of his friends. But yet he cant even take care of himself what on earth should i do? because i hate seeing him beat himself up so much?
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Your friend wants to fix everyone else's problems because he had no control over his problems. This is understandable and does require support and encouragement from you as his friend.
One, I encourage him to seek counseling for the things he has been through and seen in his life. Right now he is being displacement. He is taking the feelings he has regarding himself and putting them off towards others' for emotional release. He isn't really crying because of his friends, he is crying because he is still hurting on the inside of himself. God does heal all and so does time. I commend him for turning to God. I had to also turn to God because I went through the same thing too when I was younger.. The exact same thing. He has to learn to first love himself and forgive himself for beating himself up so much for something he had no control over. He can't take care of himself because he hasn't found himself and I am not sure that he wants to find himself out of fear of what he thinks he may find. The both of you should get involved with some community organizations to help people who need help. While helping others who need help(shelters, boys and girls homes, outreach programs), it will allow him to help others while also helping himself. When someone takes something so precious from a person by way of rape, it is important to give back to yourself and others. He is turning to sex as an outlet due to the rape. Most people who have been raped or abused, turn to the streets or being permiscious as a result of the hurt. If he stays busy there is no time for sex. He thinks sex takes his mind off of it when the truth is that sex with different females on the regular opens the door to STD's or even aids. Talk to him, let him know you are there for him and that sex is not the answer. Make suggestions of what you two can do to spend time together making a difference in your community. Encourage him to -stand up, stand out and stand above, don't lay down or settle for less or punish himself because of what someone else did to him. Just because they are sick doesn't mean he has to be sick by acquiring a sexual addiction. You feel me?? Good Luck and God is in control just let him lead you.
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Hey there,sorry to hear that your friend had to go through so much.
your already being a great help and very suportive friend,im afraid really thats all you can do for him you cant fix all his problems for him or make him stop having sex im sure he knows that too.
all you really can do is listen understand,be a shoulder to cry on and let him know your here to help and support him believe it or not it does make a huge difference.
encourage him everyday remind him not to be so hard on himself sure hes stuffed up alot but so has at least every human being at least once in their lives hes no different.
just continue what your doing already being there for him and hopefully things will start to get better and pick up and he will realise he needs to concentrate on making himself happy not others by having meaningless sex.
if things continue to stay the same or get worse i strongly sugest you recomend him to see a counseller it will really help him come to terms with all the stuff he has to deal with and move on.
hope this helps in anyway and your doing all you can do =]
good luck
Much <3
Jess
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