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Too much
14/f
I'm going to be a sophomore this year. Ok this is gonna be alot. I'm just sick and tired of everything. Last year my life was so hard for me. I couldn't handle it. I have been cutting since 8th grade. I haven't cut in a month though. I know its a really bad habit and I want to do it so bad but then I just can't cover it no more since its summer. My life was breaking down and I needed help so bad. I knew it. I blew off guys, like I didn't like any boy. I always have liked a guy but then last year it didn't happen. I kept wondering why. I had one boyfriend last year and he was the only guy I liked. I don't like him anymore. I got over it REALLY quickly...
I don't know but I cried so much. Then at times I didn't know why I cried.
My friends noticed it and my teacher. I always say I'm fine and that's the normal thing to do. I never talk about my problems. I can't. It's too hard.
One of my friends tried to help me. She had depression and thought she could help. I gave up on myself. I didn't want the help. I know I needed it but I didn't want it.
Most of this was that I was never happy. I feel like somethings wrong with me and I don't know what to do. I act like everything's fine and smiled. Then I get home and cry.
Ok so I sound like a stupid 14 year old girl who can't control her emotions complaining. Yeah apparently that's what I do and that's what I'm doing. I don't know why and I don't know who to turn to.
The last time I was cutting. I cut so much. So many all over my legs and arms. No one noticed, except a couple of my friends. I never got help.
I've grown up in church all my life. A really good church too. I ended up liking another guy there. I met him last year as a freshman. He was a junior. Now I'm gonna be a sophomore and he is gonna be a senior. We are pretty good friends. I never started liking him till a couple months ago. He was cool. I didn't tell anyone but one friend. The thing is for these past couple weeks I just didn't talk to him as much. I was pushing him away. Only cause I know he wouldn't like me and I didn't want to like him. I still don't. The most I say is hi and that's it.
So at my church I made some decisions. Since its summer I thought I would be fine and be all happy like I'm supposed to be. It hit me again. I know when I start school again its gonna come back and I'm gonna be cutting and crying. I don't know what to do.
I don't have a clue what's going on with me. How can I just fake this in front of everybody and just...be ok with it until I'm alone. So far I've realized I have a problem but I don't know what and how to deal with it.
This guy was my world. The only thing I felt that was good. Until I just stopped talking to him it felt worse. I know my unhappiness isn't caused by him.
Then I just think the worst of things. Like my friends aren't really good friends even though I know they are the best. But I felt like people talk about me. I don't think they do but I felt like it. They are good people. I just think I'm not good enough for them.
I was so stressed out from school too. I am horrible and math and thought I was gonna fail and take summer school. I actually passed with a D. I was so happy I started crying. That was wonderful for me.
So when I decided to fight myself I wanted to think positive all the time. I tried so hard but then if I just stop for one time. Just one time I feel so hurt and like a big empty spot inside of me.
Why is this happening to me when I'm 14. I'm going to be 15 soon and this isn't how I wanted to be. I feel too young for this.
What should I do. I would talk to someone but I don't know who...and I don't really feel like I want to, need to, or ready to talk to someone. The best person I know is from church but I feel if I say anything that might parents will find out or I will get hurt.
Sorry for wasting your time. I just don't know what to do.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It sounds to me like you just are crying out for attention and have tons of self pity.
Get over it. There guys.... think of all the children who are starving. Think of all the people who are molested and have been through more shit then you have. I don't mean to be mean but seriously, get over it.
"sorry for wasting your time." <---- that is deffffff a cry for other people to feel bad for you.
Oh and as far as these columnists who are trying to diagnose you with mental issues, their wrong. ONLY a doctor can do that and he would have to run tests and tests on you.
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You sound like you're suffering from depression. People who are depressed sometimes (not always) cover it up when they're around other people. You need to see a therapist. You need the help whether you want it or not and you need to take it. If someone wants to help you get help, don't refuse it. They're saving your life.
I would talk to your parents. I know you don't want them to find out, but they love you and want the best for you. Your parents can get you the help if you just open up a little.
Therapy will really save your life because if you keep going at the rate you're going at, something bad will happen.
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