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big changes, need to be assertive
i am an 18 year old girl who has always had issues with confidence and self esteem. ever since i was a little kid all i did was draw. i guess the only thing ive always consistently done and been good at it is art. and now im going to school in new york for design. ive moved from los angeles to chicago, so this new city doesnt really scare me, but i feel like now that im anticipating these changes i should try and tackle the real issues about my personality.
im really easily manipulated by people in countless different ways. they always come over to my house because i let them even if i dont want to. they hustle me for money and drugs. (i do the same drugs). these people are my friends, and all of us do the same things to each other, but i feel like everyone takes advantage of my niceness and no one listens to me or takes me seriously. i feel like i have a lot to offer to people (and guys), but no on ever takes the time to see it.
ive been told that my independence scares guys and people in general. i get told i dress well and that i'm pretty, but no one even looks at me. i feel invisible most of the time. and awkward. there are some guys i would love to get to know better but dont know what moves to make without being too forceful. note, i am so terrified of rejection because all through elementary school people just called me ugly and a freak.
i need to learn to hustle hard and find my way. someone please help me use people to my advantage, and find another half.
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stay away from people that do bad things find new friends if your good at art go in at fares in your town sell your art go to meetup.com dont let people walk all over you always think postive nerver negative ok do somthing for your self get your nails done your hair done no ones perfect never compare your self to others it makes you feel week say im pretty im going to have a good day ok hope this helps
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Self-esteem is, simply, how good we feel about who we are.
However, the impact of self-esteem, or the lack of it, is quite complicated and far-reaching. Linda Tschirhart Sanford and Mary Ellen Donovan, authors of Women & Self-Esteem, a great book by the way, describe the impact of self-esteem in the following way: "Our level of self-esteem affects virtually everything we think, say, and do. It affects how we see the world and our place in it. It affects how others in the world see and treat us. It affects the choices we make -- choices about what we will do with our lives and with whom we will be involved. It affects our ability to both give and receive love. And, it affects our ability to take action to change things that need to be changed."
As you can see, accepting who we are helps develop a healthy self-esteem and can make a huge impact on how we live our lives. A person with a healthy self-esteem is aware of her potential, knows the many facets that make her unique, and values and respects herself. More importantly, however, she knows that her imperfections or inadequacies are not inherently bad; and, they do not become overwhelming to the point that they completely define her value as a person. She knows that no one's perfect -- it's human to have limitations and make mistakes.
Regardless of self-esteem status, I am certain that everyone doubts their own self-worth or value at one time or another during their lifetimes. It can become all too easy to compare ourselves to others. When this self-comparison is occasional, it can be beneficial. It can help us achieve goals and ideals that we admire and respect in other people. However, when self-comparison becomes more frequent, and even all-consuming; and, when we, in our own estimation, do not measure up to our perception of others, it can become self-destructive. The quality of our lives is severely limited.
Although it may not be easy, it's not impossible to feel better about yourself. I offer the following tips to help you boost your self-esteem:
Accept who you are -- your strengths and your weaknesses, your feelings and emotions. This doesn't mean we don't have to work on things.
Forgive yourself for mistakes, and, instead, see them as opportunities to learn and grow.
Take alone time, regularly, to read, play, garden, write... basically, to nurture yourself. Develop your talents and abilities.
Trust your thoughts and intuitions. Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
Take pride in your achievements, big and small.
Set realistic goals for yourself.
Replace negative self-talk with positive, kind, loving statements. When something goes wrong, instead of blaming yourself, that you must have done something wrong or that there's something wrong with you, learn to accept that it may not have anything to do with you.
Don't depend on others to make you feel good. Know and reflect on who you are in the event of a rejection.
Exercise, eat right, and get plenty of sleep. Being exhausted and out of shape can leave you feeling more vulnerable to insecurity, anxiety, and self-dissatisfaction.
Surround yourself with positive, healthy people.
Get involved in projects which help other people or the environment: Habitat for Humanity, Literacy programs, Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
Seek counseling or self-help/support groups. You may find these very helpful and/or comforting.
Most importantly, make conscious, healthy choices. The "choice to choose" is the most important choice you will ever make. Make choices that leave you better rather than worse off. Make choices that synchronize your beliefs, values, and actions. Be honest.
Also, if you can't control comparing yourself to others, why not try comparing yourself with yourself, instead? Or, how about focusing on only the similarities with others? This shift in focus can help you realize that they have imperfections, too, just like everyone else, and that their flaws do not reflect your own self-worth or value as an individual.
Overall, this self-realization process (getting to know yourself better) may help you figure out what the real problems are behind your low self-esteem. I also hope you will take steps to find assistance through support groups or therapy. Take care, and be gentle with yourself.
Written by professionals from Columbia University's Health Q&A Internet Service.
Okay, that is the most relevant information I could find about self-esteem, that I agree with.
On one hand to me, you sound as if you really want to work on your issues. But on the other you ask for help in how to "USE PEOPLE TO YOUR ADVANTAGE"?
If you do not want people to USE you, then don't aspire to use them. It's not a good goal, and will end in you, again, being used. What goes around comes around, after all.
The whole drug influence I find disturbing.
I do understand that you are young, probably experimenting, and maybe drugs help you break out of your shell for a few hours.
But please keep in mind that while drugs can make you feel like you have lost your inhibitions, that while under the influence you can make choices that you will regret.
Leading to even more feelings of low self-esteem and negative self worth.
And as far as finding another half?
Even if you were to find someone right now, I fear that the feelings you have about yourself would make you needy in a relationship.
You would need constant reassurance from a partner, "Do you love me? Do you really love me? Why do you love me? Do you think I'm pretty? Do you think she's pretty? Do you think she's prettier?" ETC.
Work on yourself, learn to love yourself. Then you can be a self-assured partner in a relationship.
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