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How do you guys deal with hurtful feedback?
I've been on Advicenators for a few years, on and off, and this hasn't been a problem so far.
I received a very hurtful feedback to a question that I tried my darndest to answer well! I know we can file a report, but it wasn't exactly hateful. The person who wrote it was obviously upset, and directed that towards me, even though I obviously put a great deal of effort into my response.
Now I'm seriously thinking of leaving the site. Honestly, I'm only here to help (just like everyone else here) and if people aren't grateful, what's the point in wasting my time?
Rant's over. My actual question is, how do you guys keep from getting upset over hurtful feedback? I'd try not to take it personally, but it is personal. My feelings are hurt :(
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I used to get a lot of this back when I first started over three years ago. I learned to ignore it, simply because, I know that when I answer a question, I put my best effort in. If someone doesn't agree with me, sure, I'm upset, but, ultimately, I will probably NEVER have to deal with them EVER again. Just think about that. =]
I'm sure you're a great columnist, so I wouldn't worry about people giving you bad feedback. If it's all the time, then, maybe it's you. If this is like a once or twice kind of thing- then don't listen to it. You probably just caught someone on a bad day.
--Jack
(17/m)
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Honestly some people just are never happy, and no matter how hard we try to please them, they dont realize it and they are rude.
I know that may have hurt you but stay with advicenators, its an awesome site, and your a hard working member, dont let one person, who was rude for no reason, make you leave this site.
There is nothing we can do about that and we just have to move on and realize that most of the people we help are happy that we helped them and they needed that help.
Hope i helped =]
If you need anything else feel free to go to my column and ask me =)
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I'm not sure how to answer your question, but I thought you'd like to know that I feel your pain. I wish we could respond to feedback.
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Being an L2 mod I was able to look up the feedback you are talking about. I don't know
if you noticed but she did respond back to your edit explaining her feelings.
So others know, the question whose feedback we are talking about dealt with abortion. Always a topic where emotions run wild. Please do not leave because of feedback on a question like this.
There are just some questions that when answered with your advice (or opinions) automatically will
be argued. Abortion, politics & religion are the most common. Should you decide to answer these types of questions, you just stand by what you
feel is right & ignore it if someone doesn't feel
the same. Consider it an opportunity to get your
opinion known and to heck with what others say.
In this particular case, you did what anyone else probably would have done. You tried to make the questioner feel better about her decision. Turns out she didn't want to feel better about it. That
doesn't make your answer bad at all, just as you expected, it just wasn't what she was wanting to hear right now. She did hear you though. So think like I do, In a week or a month from now, she may think about what you said and get some help out of it. Not all our advice sinks in right away. :)
You also have to take into consideration that many people leave out information when asking a question. Nobody is a mind reader. Sometimes what seems insignificant can make a big difference. For instance had you sent a link to the question or at least had mentioned the questions subject, you would have gotten totally different answers. :) Had she said I feel bad and don't want to feel better about it...your answer may have been different.
Anyway, don't leave because one person wasn't helped immediately by your answer. Instead think of another person who read it and was helped. It happens.
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The way I see it, if they are angry,hurt,sad - they're going to find the first person to blame it on or take it out on. And that would be you - because you tell them the truth, and truth hurts
I give advice - they either like or they don't. At least I am not the one stuck in those situations, and I'm glad. Not glad they are stuck in those situations, just reliefed that I'm not!
You have to see, half of them don't mean it. They're just high on a lot of emotions and want to take it out on anybody.
Also, they don't REALLY know who I am. Yes they are insulting me..but not really ME. They are just insulting my advice, and my advice columinist charecter. They don't know anything about you (except what you write on the column haha)
You're going to get bad feedback from time to time,
but you're also going to get some brilliant feedback, and that's what makes it worth while. Remember there are some people that really value what you write, and that's why you stay on advicenators. Someone out there, needs you.
Don't take things personally
Hope I Helped,
Sage :)
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Most people on here are grateful, so don't leave, I'm sure most people do appreciate your advice.
I usually ignore the ones that are directing their anger towards me because they are actually just angry at themselves, and take it out on me.
Think about it this way: The people who come on this website are ones that are asking YOU for advice. They are making a point to get everyones opinions, and when they dont like something...too bad!! Don't ask the questions if you dont want our answers.
Anyway that's how I think about it. Don't leave, I'm sure your advice is great because obviously you care.
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Well, I usually just ignore it... I mean it really just proves that the person isn't really asking for "open advice". They want a certain answer, which isn't the point of this site. I mean, if it's down right unnecessarily mean, I'll retaliate and edit my answer :/ but I don't normally recieve feedback that bothers me too much. Don't worry, the person who gave you that feedback was probably ignorant and immature and, chances are, it won't happen again :)
-Jessica 15/f
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