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sigh... should I break up?
19/m
Me and my girlfriend (18) have been going out for about 10 months. She wants to move at the end of the summer. While I originally told her im on board with it I have had feelings of not wanting to do this.. but I'm not sure what to do. We argue quite often but other times we are great but I feel like in the long run I would not be as happy. I have been feeling this way for about a month now but I have not been able to tell her this because I have needed time to confirm that this is truely the way i feel, and I feel incredibly horrible about it. A big problem that I see is that she never wants me to go on trips with just me and my friends, without her for a few days. I have tried twice to do so and she became extremely upset because I was going to leave for three days to go work on a friend's property and make money, and said that I don't love her as much as she loves me because she feels like no trip is worth taking without me, and that she is worried something could happen to me while I'm there if she isn't there. Both times I have ended up backing out of going and telling an excuse to my friend as to why I couldn't go. I feel like I can't hang with just me and my friends as much anymore because if I do she will be upset. Much of what I feel that I want to do during the summer I feel that I can't because she wouldn't want to do them or want me to do them, and I am starting to feel restricted and controlled. If I am going anywhere where there might be a more attractive girl than her she does not trust me. While I have brought up all of these issues in the past she says that I don't understand and that I should just not want to go on trips anymore because it is immature and hurting her, and that if I loved her as much as I say I do I would just understand and not want to go on them anymore. The more I change to prevent her emotional bouts the more i feel imprisoned.. I am not sure what to do because I love her very much and we have talked about having a future together. While I feel like I want her to change, I know that she is stubborn and feels that she is right in this, so I'm stuck on what I want or need to do... she also has anxiety problems which is a probable reason as to why she acts this way, and does not have really any close friends at all. I love this girl, and if I end up breaking up with her it would be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I am afraid of confrontation and seeing her cry or the thought of never feeling her close to me again. This is my first love, my first everything really, and I have never had this happen before... I am stuck and unsure of what to do. If you took the time to read all of this, I deeply appreciate you. Im sorry it was so long. I'm just feeling desperate for help right now.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Breakups are hard, However you need to put yourself first. If your gut feeling is telling you that it won't work out in the long run or there is possible unhappiness than you need to listen to yourself because I'm sure there is a reason for feeling that way. Nobody likes to see people cry or hurt but everyone heals within time.
One thing I learned in my past relationships is sometimes you have to do what is best for you and not let the other person hold you back. There is a saying "The longer you wait, The longer you prolong the pain"
You said: "I am starting to feel restricted and controlled. If I am going anywhere where there might be a more attractive girl than her she does not trust me."
Trust is the number one thing in a relationship without it more than likely it won't last yet alone without trust you are looking at a stressful relationship.
If you are feeling restricted and controlled than maybe you just answered your own question. :)
-BahaiMa22
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yeah... dude.... the only way you're going to get her to stop that kind of nonsense is to just say in the middle of one of her tantrums "alright, well I'll see you in a few days. love you dear."
and just walk on out of the conversation, turn off your cell phone, and have a great time. and no offense , but its like training a puppy, behavior that is not wanted is not to be tolerated, pissing in the house earns a nose in piss, a smack on the ass, and a day out in the yard. before she moves into your turf, she needs to know not to be running your life. so for one weekend, load the truck up with fishing gear, beer and some buddies, and say the hell with her for two days. she'll either get the message, or be really pissed, if she's still pissed, do it again. if she still doesn't get it, tell her that she's not running your life, and that she'll need to learn to deal with it if she moves in, and do it again. you obviously like this chick, but your life is yours. sure she's supposed to be your best friend, but I'm not calling him telling him he needs to hang out this weekend, I ask him if he wants to drink some beer and play Xbox. if he's got shit to do, he's got shit to do, and thats what single player missions are for. clingy needy girls may be cool chicks, but they're still clingy and needy. get her used to you having better shit to do than cuddle and watch chick flicks, or she'll walk all over you in your own house. and besides, crying is a natural reaction that chicks have to get attention, and more importantly, their way.
I hope it works out for you dude.
-gunner
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Talking to her about it is a place to start. I'm going to guess though that you've already tried that.
A relationship will never ever work long term if one person calls all the shots. If that is your goal, and she isn't willing to lighten up, you are not going to be happy for long. Actually, it is already bothering you so I guess you know that already!
Your girl is either very manipulative, or very immature. She may think you are the immature one, she is wrong. She knows you won't argue because of her anxiety disorder. She also is using that as an excuse to get her way.
I can't tell you to end the relationship or to continue it. That is something you will have to decide on your own. After being married for 34 years, I can tell you that never letting your partner do anything on their own won't work. You have to trust your partner. Its a hard decision for you to make, I know. You are already unhappy with how you are being treated though. Don't just assume it will get better. Its likely to get worse.
One last talk & then make a move one way or the other, waiting doesn't make it easier.
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Hey there,
First of all, don't worry if you had to type a lot. We're here to help and it's best we know as much as possible.
She does seem a little clingy and has some trust issues. It's obviously caused you to change a lot just for her sake. The thing is though, for a long lasting relationship, it's all about finding that common ground and having both people work and adjust for the happiness of the couple. You've clearly done too much on your end and she hasn't done enough.
You said she wants to move. Does this mean completely moving away somewhere else or moving in together or moving out of her parents house and on her own?
I think you need to sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you are adjusting to so many things just to make her happy, but it would be nice if she gave a little for you sometimes. You've done so much for her, but it's to the point where it's making you unhappy with many aspects of the relationship. You understand she has insecurities about things, but she has nothing to worry about. If you didn't love her and think about her and only her, you wouldn't be trying to talk with her to sort this out. She has to learn to let you go and do these things (especially if it's something for work and not even a leisurely get away) or else it's just going to make you even more unhappy and that might lead to the end of the relationship since you'll be so fed up.
Again, you've done so much for her above and beyond the call and I think she needs to give a little back. You can confront this in a non-aggressive/fighting manner. If she truly does love you enough, she'll try to change for the better of the relationship.
I hope that I could be of some kind of help. Good luck!
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