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One Little Mistake
So about a month a go I was hanging out with my boyfriend and our friend and our friend said that he hadnt worked all that week and that he had been bored all week. Well later that night I called his girlfriend and we were talking then she said that she hadn't seen him all tthat week and I ask why and she said that he was working then I told her that he told me differnt and then she dumped him. A few people found out that I told her that and think I purposly broke them and now everyone including her is mad at me and its been about a month and they all keep talking bad about me and they talk bad to me to my OWN BOYFRIEND! He tells them I didnt do anything and sicks up for me but even my own cusin is mad at me. How do I fix all of this? can I fix all of this? I didnt mean to do it I told her to think about it before she dumped him.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I don't see the mistake. Your friend was being lied to and you told her the truth. What do you value more, your friendship with her, or her relationship with her boyfriend? She would have eventually figured out that he was lying (if not about that week, then about something else) and they would have broken up on their own. You saved her from enduring any more of that fake relationship than she had to.
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Well, lets be honest, first. You knew that your friend was going to be angry when you told her she was being lied to, you just didn't think she was going to be angry at you. I think you did the right thing, but now everyone thinks you are a trouble maker. The one thing you have on your side are the cold, hard facts.
1. You realized your friend was being lied to and you told her the truth.
This is it, plain and simple. You say "one little mistake," but the truth is, you didn't make a mistake. The only thing you did was to tell a friend something they didn't want to hear.
I am 37, and most women my age will tell you to think twice before saying something negative about a friends boyfriend, no matter how much of a jerk he is because....
1. She really doesn't want to know and your honesty is forcing her to face facts.
2. If she leaves him, your the cause and she will resent you, and if she stays with him, he will turn her against you and now she is with this jerk without you to talk to.
3. Regardless of what happens, everyone and their mother know it was you who spilled the beans.
Here's the good news. It is fixable, you just have to put things into perspective and be your own PR person. Don't apologize anymore to anyone. You were being a good friend-period. Make sure and let everyone know that you have learned your lesson about being honest and you will be sure to keep it a secret from now on when their boyfriends are lying and cheating. You can even get angry. If you walk around acting like you are sorry everyone is going to think you did something wrong. It's all about the spin you put on it.
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If you innocently and unconsciously broke this news to the girlfriend, without wanting to cause her or your friend any problems, then I don't see why you should be ostracized by all your acquaintances. It seems like it was an honest mistake.
Were you good friends with the girlfriend before the conflict? If you were, perhaps it would be a good idea that you reach out to her, set a date to talk one on one, just the two of you, explain what happened and express your feelings - and give a sincere apology:: why the apology? because even though you didn't mean to cause all the events that happened, what you said did.
I would also advise, as you have said that the boyfriend is a friend of yours, to make an effort to carry on a similar conversation with him.
If this doesn't help, then it would be best to step back, take a breather, and focus on other things while they get over the situation and feelings mend. Sometimes people get so worked up over emotionally charged things that it is difficult for them to see the logic in a situation. Maintain a positive attitude and demonstrate to your friends that you are an honest and trustworthy person.
Best of Luck,
Paige
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