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She's choosing him over me.
I've had this best friend, Amy for like 15 going on 16 years. I cheered my 7th Grade year, and we were really close, then I quit and we drifted apart, so this year, my 11th grade year, she wanted me to cheer because we had become close again, so I tried out, and made it. Now, she has these other friends, one of them in particular, Kara who has this boyfriend, Trevor, and his best friend Sam had sex with my best friend. Now she's like crazy obsessed, and he's not the cleanest guy, he's very controlling, he's compulsive, obsessive, an she just wont talk to me anymore.
Idk what to do, she's my best friend, and we both hate not talking to each other, but now, she seems like she'd rather have him.
I've talked to her about it, and she did choose him. He don't like me, so I guess neither does she.
I've talked to her in everyway, she says that she doesnt want to choose and that she isnt going to put up with me acting like that, when really I aint done anything.
BTW, her parents dont want her with this guy, and she knows it and still goes behind their back.
I just want MY friend back, not Kara's friend, or Sam's beneficial friend.
What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Its natural for girls who start dating to spend more time with the boyfriend. It can seem they are abandoning you, but that's just the way things happen. It will happen to you one day too.
What you need to do is set aside special time just for the two of you. Go shopping, stay over at each others house...just whatever. Maybe once every couple of weeks.
Don't worry, she still likes you. She just has a boyfriend now. The boyfriend will always have priority over girlfriends. The same will be true of you when you get a boyfriend.
What you will have to stop doing is telling her and anyone else what a rotten guy he is. He may very well be all the things you say, but she won't like you talking about them. It will make her stay away from you and could end your friendship. You just come off sounding jealous.
Make new friends. She may be your best friend but the relationship has changed now. It will never be the same because some guy will always come first. If not for her then for you. Its normal.
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Okay. I am not the best at being supportive with advice, but take a leap of faith and trust me.
Relationship are and always will be the number one reason for breaking up friendships. If you have friends, it will happen. Its something you can certaintly try to fight against, but most of the time it will be futile.
When someone crushes over someone, massive amount of a chemical called seratonin is released in thier brain. It is legitimatly addictive, and mind alterting. Hence why people don't think straight while "in love" and all that jazz. Eventually it is replaced by oxytocin (not oxycontin or oxycodone) that give people the long term love. Ever notice how people act when thier long term partner is gone for awhile? Its honestly withdrawal.
The seratonin is replaced with oxytocin because it will literally melt your brain if there too long, and humans can't go like that forever.
So the reason it is going to be so hard is honestly, she is hooked on him, and like someone on heroin, its probably not going to make a difference what ever you do. All you can do is wait and let it die down, and odds are she will be your friend again.
I'm sorry if this post feels impersonal or cold, but trust me, its right, and I hope you at least take heed of it.
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All you can really do right now is what you have done...even if it's hard. as long as you've told her that you feel like she's choosing a guy over you (her friend, which usually gets people thinking) and that you think she's worth more than this guy...and that you really don't think that he's good for her (and that you've stressed you're talking to her for HER benefit)then...you just kind of have to let things go for now. if you guys are good friends and she's made an effort to try to re-establish that friendship again, she should come around. In the meantime, get to know some of the other cheerleaders. you joined something...make the most of it. and try not to cling to your friend...you'll get her back. i think it's an issue of patience. hope that helped.
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