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guyy
Alright, so last summer I went out with this guy, and hes like a druggie, well i liked him. and he said he'd stop smoking for me. Well then he shows up to hang out with me high. This made me mad, sort of like telling me i'm worthless to him. Well, I wouldn't have been mad if he hadn't had said he wouldn't smoke for me. Well, we broke up like a week later over this and a bunch of other stuff. Well my friend hangs out with his friends and oneday he was there. She asked about me, and she asked him if he liked me, and he smiled and looked away, and later talked about getting back together with me. Well I reallyyy don't like the fact that he smokes. and I do like him, because hes really hot and funny and sweet. Well he started talking to me agian. And I know that if I want to go back out with him then we will. Its pretty much up to me. But I don't know what to do. I think I like him. But he smokes, and he clearly won't be able to stop. what should i do?!
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I've heard many similar stories like this a million times. The guy does something the girl hates, girl trys to change him. But in the end the guy doesn't stop and girl gets heartbroken. Honestly, I believe you deserve better. There are tons of guys out there that are hot, funny, and sweet! (plus they don't smoke:) You might have just not found him. By maybe going out with this guy, you might miss out on another guy that could be 10 million times more amazing! I think you should dump this guy or give him the alternative for either you or smoking, then you'll see where his priorities really are(:
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If his smoking really bothers you and you know he won't stop, you'll be starting your relationship off with problems instead of with a clean slate. Problems already form during relationships and starting off with them is not a good sign.
If you don't accept that he smokes (not saying you should), you shouldn't get into a relationship with him. If he can't stop smoking, it shows a lack of control. Either he doesn't want to stop, or he doesn't want to try hard enough to quit.
Marijuana is not that addictive. If he wanted to stop doing it, he could. He wouldn't have physical withdraws, he would only have mental urges of wanting to do it for a little while.
Marijuana is also a gateway drug, as you've probably heard. When I was 14, I dated an older guy that smoked weed a lot. It led to him doing coke, and that is a real addiction. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone that does drugs if you're not okay with drugs.
Darby
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One of the first rules of dating: people don't change! The good news is you can't take it personally. You say that he kept smoking so it made you feel worthless, but the truth is, it has nothing to do with you. An addiction is a powerful force, and even though you are trying to get him to do the right thing, he will only lie to you about it or blame you for trying to tell him what to do.
This is the thing, you either have to accept the fact he smokes, or let him go, but if you start off the relationship trying to change a person it will only lead to heartbreak. You are never going to find someone perfect, so you have to decide how important certain issues are, and if you can't live with it, let him go. Every person in this world just wants someone who will accept them faults and all, and though you might think you are leading him in the right direction, what you are really saying is "you're not good enough for me unless you change." This guy is looking for a girlfriend, not a mother.
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i was in the EXACT same situation as you just a couple of weeks ago!
i hated it so much but i said ok il try look passed it and make it work..and he did his best not to smoke and even mention the stuff around me but we somehow always ended up arguing over it and in the end i broke it off with him because he turned out to be only interested in getting sex off me.
so what you need to look at is they other traits in his personality that you can concentrate on more. for example how funny he is and stuff
does he treat you well?
is he not just after the one thing?
does he make you happy?
do you have fun with him?
is he a good guy that just happens to have a problem with smoking?
or do you feel hed be a bad influence on you?
like would he ever try to get you to smoke with him?
ask yourself those questions and it should tell you what to do
you should do a pros and cons type thing to help you make your mind up
but if its something you truely feel you cant live with then hes probably not the one for you.
good luck with whatever you choose to do hope i helped a bit.
<3 jess
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