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is it time to end?
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend Mark for almost four years now. He just turned thirty and I am 21 so this age difference could very well be part of the problem. We started off long distance, but when I started college I was only a 45 min drive from him. At the end of my freshman year we got an apartment together and still live together. The problem is I was a smoker when we started dating, and he knew this. I was also aware that he hated smoking and told him that I would quit someday. He has a valid reason for hating smoking, He wears a hearing aid and has been told that his hearing problem was caused by his mother smoking while she was pregnant. I have tried to quit several times and we have had several arguments over the topic. Each time I say I'm going to quit but it never works cuz I always lose my motivation. We broke up for two months over it, but neither one of us ever moved out of our apartment so it was really arkward. I had been quit for about a month when he decided to end it, he said that he was still hurt because it took me so long to do it. We eventually got back together but decided to go to counseling. Unfortunately, the week before this happened I had smoked again for the first time in months. In therapy I agreed to quit smoking, and he agreed to trust me that I would quit and to but the past behind him. THe problem was I slipped up and had ONE cig at work. I came home and kissed him and he noticed. He is very angry and is considering ending the relationship over it! he says that I cant care about him if i continue to smoke, but he doesnt understand that its an addiction. He is refusing to discuss the situation until we can get back into counseling but our appointment isn't for another week and I'm going nuts! What should I do? I dont want this relationship to end because things were going very well for a long time until recently. I should not have smoked but I was so stressed and did not think I could function if I did not have something to calm me down. Is there anything I can do to help the situation at this point?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You don't go into a relationship and then attempt to change someone. It doesn't work regardless of the fault.
He knew you were a smoker. He moved in with you knowing you were a smoker. Now, his wants are more important than yours.
So, even though smoking is bad for you, his getting on his high horse now is a bit late. If he can't understand how hard it is to quit, if he can't be happy with the fact you are trying, he isn't worth it. Wouldn't be to me anyway. It just sounds like an excuse to get out of the relationship.
Smoking is one of those habits that you have to really want to quit yourself. Doing it for someone else just does not work.
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Quit smoking. For real. and actually try. every time you pick up a cigarette think its this or the love of my life. Try the patches, gum, whatever it takes and let him know its hard but you are really trying because you love him and want your relationship to work.
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