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Wedding problems with future in-laws.
Me & my fiance are planning on getting married in October. I really like his parents, but his family & my family are like complete opposites. His parents are super-strict Christians, while mine curse a lot.
We were planning on maybe doing a Halloween themed wedding, but as soon as we told his parents that they freaked out. So, I was trying to I guess bargain with them so I said the wedding will be more fall themed & the reception is going to be Halloween themed.
Like most girls, I've dreamed about my wedding since I was young, & I've never wanted a classic wedding. Me & my fiance are metal-heads, sort of. We love metal music, tattoos, & piercings, so everyone who knows me knows my wedding is not going to be the classic wedding. I was telling his mom about the dress I picked out which is white with red designs on it, & she started saying that wearing anything but white isn't scared or something.
Then we brought up the music, because we will be playing metal music & I won't be walking down the aisle to the classic "here comes the bride".
Again, she said that it's not sacred & we should want "God's blessings". I believe in God, sure, but I just think they take things a little too far. She didn't even like the idea of possibly using black & orange flowers (because black is the symbol of death).
I really like his parents & I've been breaking my neck trying to be respectful when I'm around them (they have a super strict dress code), but this is my wedding & I want it my way, but I just don't know what I can do to not upset them.
Any advice?
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I totally agree with "hitler the goat". It is YOUR wedding. It will be one of the most important and memorable days of YOUR life. It is something that YOU have dreamed of since you were a little girl. As long as both you and your fiance are happy with it, thats what matters. If you go along with what they want and dont do what you want, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Yes, maybe it will be a little akward at first, telling them what your decisions are and them seeing what you will be doing at first, but once its all said and done and your partying and your reception, you will be the happiest woman alive and so glad you put your foot down. Dont let them mess up your big day.
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Hi. First off, this does NOT bode well for your future as a combined family. Your fiance should have made it clear to his parents long ago that he is interested in metal, goth, and other things that are much different from the way he was raised. If he can't discuss this with them and let them know that your wedding will reflect your mutual interests, not their strict ideals and beliefs. Not only is it YOUR wedding, but the years following are to be according to you and your future husband's wishes and interests. They need to understand that they will have to like it or lump it, so to speak. It is nice that your fiance wants to be respectful of his parents, but this should only go so far, or there will be misery and avoidance ahead. He will be constantly trying to please himself and you, and trying to balance the wishes of his parents. Have his explain to his parents that he doesn't want to let their relationship run into problems and avoidance, but that they need to respect the fact that you will all have to agree to disagree on the wedding plans. If they can't accept it, they will not accept a lot of things where you're concerned, unfortunately. A big part of being mature enough to go through a marriage together is facing these challenges. If you don't think he can stick up for you and what you both want, maybe a lot of things need to be reconsidered in this case. Good luck, stay firm, and be true to who you are and what you want. I don't think you need to be disrepectful to your future in-laws, but do assert yourself right from the start. If you stay strong and firm, they will be the ones to come around if they have a true desire to stay in their son's life.
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let me just start by saying, You are the most awesome chick ever. The wedding's going to be freaking awesome, I wish I could go just to see how completely metal it is. who cares about their wishes? I know, you have to live with them around and I don't, but live the dream, live my dream, live the dream of every metal fan on the face of the planet! let them have their prudish ways, if they don't accept you guys for who you are, then to hell with them. it'd be awesome if you guys played DeathKlok at the reception, hell, show your in-laws some episodes of Metalocalypse, just to mess with them. this is your one shot at the most freaking awesome wedding ever, its YOUR day.
best of luck,
-Gunner
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