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Family Dynamics
21/f
Before I start, let me just say that I realize that I am an adult and have the responsibility of taking care of myself. I know that nobody has to help me in any way, and nobody really does. The thing that bothers me is that I feel like my family treats me unfairly in comparison with the way they treated my older sister at my age.
I am currently a junior in college, and have been responsible for paying my own tuition, books, and fees since my very first semester. I've been paying my own rent, bills, grocery, gas, etc (or my portion, with room mates) since I turned eighteen.
When my sister was in college, she had some scholarships, but not full ride. My parents paid the rest of her tuition and bought her books. She did have a job the entire time, but only part-time, and she used it to pay bills, food, and gas, along with her boyfriend (now husband) who had a full time job. She had no rent because my parents bought her a house to live in. They said they bought it for both of us (we went to the same school), but miraculously her boyfriend moved in, and I got kicked out of the picture. Now they're older and have bought the house from my parents. How lucky for them to come by property so easily.
I recently got married in a court house because my family couldn't seem to find the money to have a wedding for me. My sister got married at the same age that I did, and had a very nice wedding.
I'm wondering if I am being unreasonable to say that these things are unfair. Every time I try to express the way I feel to my family, they tell me I'm being unreasonable, and act like I'm hurting them by pointing out the obvious: I've always gotten the shaft. Of course, I'm always willing to step back and let other people be happy at the expense of my own happiness.
After all, I tell myself, "Most people don't get that kind of help from their families anyway." It just hurts that my family DID give that kind of help, they just gave it to my sister instead of me.
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first off i want to say i am so sorry every girl deserves a wedding!!! every family is like that. do you find yourself yelling when you confront them? you seem like you are very responsible since you are paying for everything yourself. why don't you start out by asking for them to pay for your books and work your way there. if ever not neccisary don't bring your sister into your convo with your parents unless absolutely neccasary because that is sometimes immature. show them your mature side and just ask them to treat you the way you want to be treated. instead of comparing yourself to your sister try saying what you want. say somthing like i feel like i havn't been treated the way i should and state your reasons why. you deserve everything that your sister did. i hope everything works out! good luck!
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Hi,
I feel for you. There can be a number of reasons for your situation. I am a parent with three sons and our first child got spoiled just the way you say your sister did, but later on his father and I realized that we gave him too much and he didn't appreciate it. We didn't want to do that with the next one and we made him work a little harder for what he wanted. I don't know if your parents feel the same, but it could be possible.
Another reason could be that they don't have the financial means that they had with your sister. Maybe they don't want to admit it to you.
In any case, I'm sure they love you just as much. Try to have another sit down with them and tell them how much this is affecting you. Don't let them end the conversation until they understand where you are coming from. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
Ediemarie
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