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love triangle
My two best friends and I are in a love triangle. They dated over a year ago for two months and then broke up. But the girl (Jane) didn't want to let go so she agreed to be a friend with benefits, hoping he would take her back eventually. Time goes by and the guy (Bob) dates a couple other girls, but Jane does not. She remains obsessed with Bob. One day, Bob tells me he likes me and asks me to prom, and Jane gets really jealous of me. She is worried I will date Bob. I talk to Bob about the situation and Bob says that he and Jane decided to stop hooking up awhile back because he realized that's what made her so clingy. Anyways, Jane has been antagonizing me the whole time that if I date Bob it makes me an awful friend and she's gonna be done with me. At this point I wouldn't mind it because she is the only thing making things difficult. So should I just let the friendship die? Or should I give up Bob because of her? Giving up Bob for Jane's sake isn't fair because he and I both should be able to do what we want. It's oh so complicated and I need help dearly!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If you value the friendships, don't go out with him.
If you do date him, you can't keep her as a friend. If you don't date him, you can hopefully keep both of them as friends, and maybe when things cool down you can date him later.
I've been in that situation before, where a girl freed up from a friend and she expressed interest in me. I've always had a bros before hoes mentality for stuff like that, and its served me well.
And I have dated more than one girl who I was in that situation with. I just waited until it was obviously over and the guy started dating other girls, then picked them up without any animosity.
But its up to you whether you still want to be friends. It sounds like she might well be worth the effort, but it also sounds like you don't really want to put that effort in yourself.
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hello! well i just wanna say that you shoudnt date bob because your friend still loves him and i dont know if she LOVES him or in love with him maybe she dont want to let the thought of them being together but i do know that if you date him it will kill her. well i hope i helped!
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My advice: Don't date Bob.
Not because of Jane's feelings or opinions, but because Bob is not a very ideal mate right now.
It takes two to tango hun, and Bob is just as much to blame for the situation as Jane is. He allowed it to continue, he fed into her hopes and he's allowed her to be lead on. Men who women ‘chase’ are very, very rarely blameless in the situation. They almost always fed into the situation just as much as the women does, because it’s nice to be wanted, because it’s hard to turn down sex, and because no one wants to hurt anyone else.
That doesn’t make Bob a bad, bad person, but it is a serious strike against his dating potential if you and he can’t see how much he shares the blame.
You are right that you and Bob should both do what you like, but I think you should take a step back, look at Bob's behaviour in this situation, and seriously weigh if a guy who allows a situation like the one with Jane to continue is a good match for you.
Make up your mind about Bob, and then let the chips fall where they may with Jane.
She’ll probably feel betrayed, and that you are a bad friend, and that will be a valid perspective. It will be up to you if you want to try and maintain the friendship with her or not in the face of her opinions about you. At the very least, do show her the respect of letting her know what is going on, and validating her feelings. She will have the right to be hurt and to think poorly of you both. You can disagree with her, but it's pointless and disrespectful to argue.
But seriously, reconsidering dating Bob. A guy who allows one girl to go nuts over him (and encourages it, even subconciously) is not a terribly attractive partner. Be damn certain he learned his lesson about being careless with another person's feelings before you dive in.
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