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slander
My situation is that I was involved in a fellow employee being suspended then ultimately being transfered to another location. My involvement in this was not up to me I was a witness to inappropiate behavior that another employee also witnessed and then reported to management.I was called in to give a statement in which I told the truth as vaguely as possible do to the fact that I did not want said employee to get fired. The behavior that was innapropiate is considered sexual harrassment and was not taken lightly by the company but do to me not being meticulous about details and stating that I was not offended he was able to keep his job. He was an aquaintace and I am not into ruining peoples lives. My problem now is that he slandering me at his new location and it is getting to me. I did nothing wrong to him, I just told the truth. Actually I saved his job by talking with HR and letting them know I was not offended. He is aware of that but is still blaming me for his mistake. Normally I wouldnt care about him saying bad things about me but there is alot more to this situation that has complicated matters.If I go to management he will most likely be fired and I will look like the villian he has made me out to be. I am at alost here because it no matter how I look at this it is a lose lose situation for me.I can just let him get away with it and let it really bother me or have him fired and let it really bother me. How do I handle this without ruining his 35 years with the company and keeping the many years I have left as not being known as a whistle blower that I am already falsely accused of? Any ideas?
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actually, i am not going to say much, because rhazi pretty much covered it. I was going to say about the same thing. Truth is, it's just like high school. People are going to start rumors and you can either choose to get caught up in it, or you can say you know what people can say and think what they want. that's their business. Truth is, if it was really important your boss would say to you hey is this or that true? and then you can say yes or no. if they believe you fine, if not you will find a better job somewhere else where you work with nicer people who appreciate you more.
in regards to him, if he get's fired, it's because he is not supposed to be there anymore. it has nothing to do with you, because he creates his reality. you may say what you have to say, but the truth is, if the bosses want him to stay he will stay, if they want him to go, he will be gone hahaha
i know it's hard sometimes not to worry, especially when you have a kind heart. but you can't save everyone, not everyone wants to be saved, and not everyone is meant to be saved. be the good person you are, associate with the people who are respectible, and just do the best job you can do. his fate is his own. yours is your own. let it go :)_
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Take a deep breath, hold your head high, and stop worrying.
A quick stock of the things you CAN'T control:
You CAN'T control what he says about you.
You CAN'T control his poor choices about his behaviour.
You CAN'T control the outcome of disciplinary actions (even though you tried to control it last time by being deceptive, most of the process is completely out of your hands.)
You CAN’T control how everyone in the company perceives you.
If you can’t control it, worrying about it is a waste of energy.
And for the things you can control:
You CAN control you, and the way you think about this.
You CAN, in fact, control if you feel guilty or not.
You CAN control a large part of your own appearance of guilt, by simply NOT acting guilty.
So change your thinking:
If his 35 year history with the company goes down the drain, it will not be because of your actions. He’s had two very clear opportunities to protect his own interests. He could have behaved correctly in the first place, and he also could have accepted the repercussions of his own actions with grace. He did neither.
You can’t save him from himself. You only gave him a stay of execution. He has ruined a second chance that he didn’t even deserve.
Stop feeling guilty by stop talking about yourself as though you are guilty:
Banish the thoughts of “I’ll be ruining someone’s life!”. Those thoughts are NOT actually kind to other people, they are egotistical and self-absorbed. You don’t actually have that much power over another person. You NEVER have.
Imagine that that a complete stranger read ended your car, and when you reported the accident it led to their licence being taken away. That wouldn’t be your fault for reporting the accident, that would THIER own damn fault for fucking up one too many times and loosing the right to drive a car.
We live in a society with agreements about what kind of behaviour is acceptable. There are consequences when you break that agreement. You didn’t design the system, you just function in it morally and sensibly. Not everyone else does.
If you can change your thinking, and change the way you are feeling, you might magically find that you have suddenly also changed the way you are acting:
When we feel guilty, we act guilty.
If you stop feeling guilty, you will stop acting as though as did anything wrong.
There might still be some people who blame you for the situation. You can’t control that. You never could have. But if you actions give everyone the opposite impression, if your actions imply that you are confident in your choices, without anger towards him, without stress or guilt over the situation, the number of people who blame you will remain very small. Everyone else who might be tempted to believe him will look at you and say “Well, she seems confident and respectful. She doesn’t act guilty. There must be two sides to this.”
I would focus on changing your thinking about this situation first and banishing your guilt, before you decide to tell management or not. Once you have a clear head about this, and are no longer responding emotionally to his attacks, you might find they don’t bother you nearly so much anymore, or you might realize that they are in fact very wrong, and need to be addressed by management.
There is no perfect solution, but this is certainly not a lose-lose for you. It’s a lose-lose for him, because he keeps acting like an asshole. If you can carry yourself with the knowledge you’ve done him no wrong, only the most spiteful and silly gossip mongers will cling to the idea you have, and people like that will always hate someone, for some reason.
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