How to stop being jealous; how to trust my boyfriend?
Question Posted Friday April 3 2009, 3:34 am
I hate it when he looks or talks to a girl. it bothers me! ugh i hate it so much.
all of the stupid girls in school like him.. i feel like hes never gonna be mine 100%. we've been going out for almost 8 months and im not happy at all, i mean like im happy with him.. we're both in love and stuff but i feel like my head is gonna blow up.. everyday i start thinking crap.. and i fill my head with stupid dumb thoughts about him being with another girl and stuff.. he tells me that he only wants me and that he loves me and yeahh im just scared :[
what if i stop being jealous & i finally trust him 100% and then boom.. he cheats on me? i will feel like garbage, like nothing. that would destroy me. i dont know what i would do :/
i need help.. i hate being jealous. I DONT WANT THIS ANYMORE :[ its ruining my relationship.
every day we fight bc of me. bc of my jealousy.. bc of girls. :(
I dont want to lose him. ever
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? shaygirrl answered Saturday April 16 2011, 3:45 am: girl im going through the same problem as you are. I have been dating mine for 15 months and i still feel like crap when he talks to other girls or says a girl is pretty. I am learning not to let my mind run wild with things though. If he says he loves you, and only wants you, then let that be your source of comfort in knowing thats true. he picked YOU for a reason. if other girls like him ,rest in the fact of knowing YOUR his girlfriend and not them. I'm learning the same thing. It is very hard especially since IM already so insecure. I don't think anyone should trust anyone 100% it is best to keep up a little bit of guard if you have only been dating 8 months or so. maybe if this lasts over a year or to a year you can let your guard down easier. But he chose YOU girl. those other girls WISH they had him but you do. so take that into thought ok? it'll be good. [ shaygirrl's advice column | Ask shaygirrl A Question ]
katwashala answered Saturday April 4 2009, 5:06 pm: Hey
Well listen, you trusting him 100% or you being jelous all the time is not going to stop him from cheating (if he wanted to and it kind of sounds like he doesn't). Trust or no trust, if he wanted to, he would. But see, by not trusting him, you are only sabatoging the relationship. So if your worried that trusting him will make him more likely to cheat, it won't... I hope that makes sense. What I'm trying to say is that, you will never be able to stop him from talking to or looking at other girls, you can only control your reaction to it. Also, if it makes you feelsny better, he probably gets super jelous of the boys you talk to, you just don't know it. So talk to your boyfriend, together, if he really understands that this jelousy is coming from a sincere place, then I think you two can work it out. =]
christina answered Friday April 3 2009, 5:26 am: I don't think it's him that you do not trust. I think it's other girls. Girls are envy filled, vicious and manipulating. If they see something they want, they will do everything to have it.
I can completely understand where you're coming from. Except with me, I was jealous of my boyfriend's past girlfriends. All I could think about was him being with them & how happy he must've been but he really reassured me a ton until it finally got through my head. But before it totally sunk in, he showed me what they look like (I was CONVINCED they were prettier than me). I was wrong. These girls were troglodytes. Knowing I was prettier made me feel SO MUCH better. :)
I think you should trust your boyfriend. If he's telling you that he loves you & that it's you that he wants to be with, you should trust & believe that. If what he was saying wasn't true, he wouldn't be with you. Correct?
I don't think you need to worry. Just because girls like him doesn't mean it's completely bad. Those girls are DYING to be you & they're jealous OF you. You should NOT be jealous of THEM. I hope you can really see what I'm saying here & give it a lot of thought. Good luck! [ christina's advice column | Ask christina A Question ]
anonymousme answered Friday April 3 2009, 4:27 am: Here's a way to look at the situation in a totally different light:
Rather than be jealous of other girls looking at him, rather than feeling inferior to those girls...you should feel extra-confident. You should feel superior to them. This should give you an ego boost because your boyfriend is the guy every girl wants...and guess what, he's YOUR boyfriend!
He sees you as good enough for him; he hasn't left you even though he sees the other thousand girls staring him down.
As for the anxiety about trusting him, then being let down...you'll have to let that go.
Because, truthfully, if you can't trust him, there's no real relationship there. A relationship is built on trust.
I understand that it'd hard to just change your attitude...it's not like you flip a switch and you trust him. You'll have to look within, because that's where the uncertainty lies. You're not confident in some aspect, if not a few aspects of yourself. Perhaps those are some that need changing, or some that need embracing & developing.
This is going to sound irrelevant because it pertains to religion, but it applies here as well.
A man once said, "I'd rather live believing there is a Heaven, then die & find out there isn't, than live believing there is no Heaven, then die & find out there is."
You'll spend more time with your belief of whether or not he's cheating. And when you find out the truth, that will be maybe a few minutes of finding out, whether it's positive or negative.
Let's say you believe he isn't.
If it turns out he is, you wouldn't have been miserable before and after you found out.
If it turns out he isn't, you'll regain trust in yourself.
Let's say you believe he is.
If it turns out he isn't, you'll feel relieved after...but what was the point of the previous worry?
If it turned out he is, you'll regain trust in your judgment & have one more experience under your belt.
iloveyou2 answered Friday April 3 2009, 4:18 am: I know exactly how you feel. I've been through it, and so have many of my friends. I have watched, and have been there.
It's not your fault for being jealous. It's natural. I mean, all guys are flirts, right? But, even if they do flirt with other girls, that doesn't mean he's cheating on you. Cut him some slack.
I mean, think about it.. Don't you have some good guy friends? You're probably thinking "Yeah, but I would never think of them like that!" Maybe that's exactly what he's thinking about these other girls.
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