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help understanding sister's actions/finding her help
I have a older sister who I cannot quite understand why she acts the way she does. She is 25 and has always lived with my mother. She has always had a problem with her finances. She cant seem figure out what kind of a career she wants or what she wants to do. She owes almost everyone money and the money she does earn from her waitress job gets blown on booze, clothes, food and fun. She seems to make spur of the moment decisions and is very easily influenced by freinds who dont have responsibilities like her. The same kind of friends who live with their parents and have absolutely no obligations. I almost feel like she has no conscience about spending money when she knows she has debts to be paid. Sometimes i feel she has the potential to be a homeless person! This is just a tip of things, there is so much more detail but it would take days to explain. Please help! I need to know what i should do to help her and how i can get through to her!
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Been there and done this with my son. What we did takes time, causes hard feelings and is painful for a mother...but it works.
She is irresponsible. She has absolutely no incentive not to be. She can stay with mom and spend her money all on herself.
She needs to be given 30 days to find a new home of her own. She needs to pay her own bills. If she doesn't pay the lights, she sits in the dark until she does. If she doesn't pay the water...she will stink until she does. Evidently there is no incentive like those two to get a person to pay their bills.
The hard part for a parent or sibling is NOT to help them out. Even if they end up homeless and in a shelter.
Now my son is 30 and he and his family struggle but they do good now and I am very proud of him. I would help him out now because he is being responsible and doing his best.
On the other hand my father in law doles out money to my sister in law all the time. Approaching 50 years old she can't get through even one week without borrowing money to exist.
His health isn't the best. Just what is SHE going to do when he dies? She hasn't ever been taught to live within her means.
So, while it sounds cruel and mean, I personally don't consider it to be. I can die knowing my son will get by. That may be how you'll have to get your mom to step up and handle the problem. Its very hard to do.
Good luck.
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First off, it sounds like she has very low self-esteem. Responsibility, is something that has to be taught, and many people just don't get it. I'm sure she has a conscience, but she may feel that people think bad of her anyways, so it doesn't matter what she does. She should probably get some self-esteem consoling, and talk with a financial planner to learn how to budget finances and be responsible with money. Your mother should be charging her rent, and should be kicking her out if she doesn't stick with it. At her age, it will take something drastic to teach her to start being responsible, no matter what people think of her.
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She sounds irresponsible like most people when they're around 17-22. I know because I have 4 older siblings & I saw them all go through those years.
Maybe you could borrow some money from her, then not pay it back. When she asks, say you spent it on McDonalds on your way home today...or you spent it on Saturday night. She should get the picture eventually.
But that'd given that she'd actually lend you the money.
Maybe you could just ask your mom to talk to her. Maybe your mom could charge her rent?
That sounds mean, but most 25 year olds are in apartments...paying rent.
And if she hasn't paid back debts to your mother, the least she could do is pay rent.
Did that help?
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