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My parents are nasty...
My parents want to come and spend the night at my house. I have told them hundreds of times that they have really nasty habits (like not washing their hands after using the bathroom then touching food and not taking baths but once a week). Then they come and bring roaches with them (unintentionally of course) from their house, that they refuse to clean. (Then they ask why we don't visit them at their house. Last time we went I got a glass from the cabinet to get some water to drink and it had roach eggs and spiderwebs in it.)I have to treat them like children and tell them how to do things properly. I do not like them giving my kids food because I don't know where their hands have been. When I do tell them that they need to clean up their act, they get offended and blame it on this or that (a line of bull). Then my dad gets mad at me and says sarcastic comments (like I'm sorry we are not perfect like you). I never said I was perfect, I just don't want them to teach my kids ( 2 & 6 yrs. girls) bad habits. They need to be able to look up to them and be proud. Nothing I do seems to help. They never listen, when I'm trying to tell them something they always take it the wrong way. Then they act jealous of other family members (ex: why can u go visit them and not us?) I can't take much more of this, I don't know what else to do other than just start avoiding them. I have put up with this for years, Please help...
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Boy, you're in a tough spot. I don't envy you.
What you have here is literally a toxic situation. Your parents' behavior is putting your children at risk, especially if they're going to an infested house.
The first step in dealing with a situation like this is to remain calm. Your parents will try to evoke an emotional response from you so they can seize control of the discussion.
Next, focus on behavior and on things that can be observed. Don't try to figure out their deeper motives; you're not a psychologist.
Lay out a simple ultimatum, and don't pass judgements on their characters. You won't come and visit them until they take care of the roach infestation and practice basic sanitation. It has nothing to do with them as people: the way they keep their house and their persons presents a danger to your children. Tell them you love them, you hate to have to do this but you cannot risk your childrens' health. Stay calm, stick to your guns. When they attack you personally or make sarcastic comments, they're trying to take control of the situation. Don't deny the accusations, or even acknowledge them. Keep it focused on behaviors. "When you do X, it causes Y." If they can't do these things, then you won't come visit and they're not welcome in your house.
Defying a parent is difficult at best, but you're an adult and you deserve adult considerations. And your kids deserve to be able to go to Grandpa's house without dealing with roaches and spiders.
Hope this helps.
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