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frustration!!!
when something goes wrong between my boyfriend, M, and me, i totally lose it. i just get so depressed and pissed off and it gets on everyones nerves. the thing is, i really love him. but im so scared that if something goes wrong, ill lose him again. (he broke up with me twice before..)
im pretty sure hes sick of his high maintinance girlfriend anyways. im sick of being a naggy bitch, but i dont know what else to do. how can i talk to him about this without him thinking im totally obsessed?
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I know just where you're coming from. I personally don't freak (at least not directly to him), but I deal with the same fears and insecurities that cause you to do so.
First of all, it sounds like you've got a pretty good guy. I don't know very many who would put up with that. Yes, he's broken up with you twice...but he's also taken you back twice so keep that in mind at all times, because if you keep it up, a time will come when he doesn't take you back, and I'm fairly certain that's what we wanna prevent.
Next, then next time you get in an argument, try turning it into a discussion. The only difference is that both sides are heard, and no loud voices. Let him say his piece and then you say yours...then you BOTH find a way to meet in the middle (almost like a debate). It sounds stupid, but I promise, it works.
If you can't do that (and there are a lot who can't) then do this. The second you realize that you are about to or have started to freak out on him, walk away. Explain that you need to calm down, and WALK AWAY!!! Play the situation out in your head. Find a way to discuss it rationally. After you've cooled off, then talk to him. I usually tell people to talk face to face but in this case, I'll make an exception...for a while. Call him on the phone, text him, write a letter...ONLY if you can't talk to him without yelling. That will only work for a short time though...you will eventually have to learn to have a face to face argument without blowing up. Baby steps.
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stop being high maintenance. simply put.
he is with you.
he dumped you twice...figure out why...change it if you don't want to lose him. men will not keep chasing you if you keep pushing them away, they eventually get that shit out of their heads and move on and find someone new.
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You don't need to be worried that he's going to leave you. If you had a good relationship to begin with, you would know that he won't leave you. If he broke up with you twice, why are you still with him? You need to value yourself enough to truly believe that if he's dumb enough to walk away again, he doesn't deserve you. Also, know that you're strong enough to make it on your own if he does walk away again. Remind yourself that he's very lucky to be with someone who loves him so much she took him back twice!
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I'm glad you realize that you're not blaming your bf and see that it's you that you need to work on. Which is totally fine. I act the same like you. I get mad at my bf and tell him really mean things. Best thing to do is be honest. I tell my bf, I'm sorry I act crazy, I realize I'm acting crazy and I'm trying to work on my anger, depression, etc. Please be patient with me. I really need you at this time and if you can't deal with this right now. I understand. The reason why he probably keeps breaking up with you is that he doesn't want to deal with verbal abuse ((which is the same as physical abuse mentally)) and healthy relationships don't involve either. Everytime you start getting worked up just think of someone beating you up and remember that you don't want to feel that way and neither does he. PS. You're not high maintenance, you just have a different way of dealing with stress! Don't worry!
Good Luck ^_^
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