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Taking care of parents
I've been having to take care of my parents for a couple of years now, its been easy before because they could do alot of things for themselves. Now, its not so easy. My mom's mind is getting worse by the day, she can't remember a whole lot and can't comprehend hardly anything that is not very easy to comprehend. She takes alot of pills daily that I have to lay out for her because she simply can't keep anything straight in her head. My dad is getting over lung cancer, now going through chemo and having a hard time with that, plus has now lost his eye site completely due to glaucoma. He always had a tiny bit of eyesite left, but this past weekend woke up saying it was gone. When I'm home its going to be ok because im here to constantly help with what they need, but I dont know what I'm gonna do during the day when I'm at work.
My mom tries to help him but ends up being more harm than good because her mind is like a young teen now. Her doctor says her poor memory and understanding of things is a combination of her age with a couple strokes shes had in her life. So they usually end up arguing when she tries to help because she doesnt fully comprehend stuff and he no longer has the patience. Plus she has a hole in her heart and is not suppose to lift anything over 3 pounds so I have to constantly watch out that shes not doing that.
Between the both of them I dont know what to do, I dont really have any outside family help. They do not want a "stranger" coming in helping while I'm gone and I've always told them I'd do everything in my power to not have that happen, so I just dont know what to do. Is there a system or program out there available to apply to that will let me be home with them for now out of work or any other suggestion at all?
Thanks alot,
Brandon
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Depending on what field you work in, maybe you can work out of home for a while. As far as anything else, you may just have to have someone come into the home to help, even if stubborn parents say no, you have to think of their well being.
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How weird. 20 minutes ago while I was just cleaning up after my grandfather's mess I was thinking about how no one on Adviceanators has ever had a question about elderly parents help and I got on here and it's the first question!
Well, I'm seventeen and was raised by my mom and grandpa (my mom's dad). About 4 years ago my grandpa started losing his memory as well due to dementia, a form of alzheimers. He's had heart surgery and now has a pace maker. Well, these past few months he has gotten SO much worse. He's been in and out of the hospital which has taken a lot on his body. He's 86 by the way. My mom and I are the ones who have always taken care of him, but after the last hospital incident we couldn't let him be home alone while I was off at school and she was at work during the day. We weren't quite sure what to do, but we were NOT going to put him in a nursing home.
Well, we have a family friend who took courses in nursing who doesn't exactly have a lot of money. So, my mom asked her to bath my grandpa every other day for money. This was a few years ago because he was at that stage where showering on his own took too much on him and my mom and I washing him would definitely of been way too awkward. Well, again after the last hospital incident and the question to what are we going to do while we're out during the day...we had no choice but to ask his bath lady to stay with him while we're gone. She did it, for more pay of course.
We're lucky enough to have a family friend like that who would take the job. Maybe you, or another family member knows of someone who could stay with your parents while your gone, or even make a schedule with your other relatives for someone new to check up on them every hour or so throughout the day since they have a problem with a stranger coming in.
Those strangers aren't bad choices though. If you want to think about having professional help come in, call your local hospital and explain to them your situation and they can give you a few numbers to call of people who do this for a living.
Another thing, I know taking care of the people who once took care of you is quite hard and anyone who does, I have a lot of respect for. Taking care of elderly people is harder than taking care of a baby sometimes. A baby might be helpless, but elderly people are sometimes helpless, yet can't accept it, so on to of being helpless, ya got a stubborn parent! haha :)
Hope everything works out
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