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i need to give advice/introduce God to a cutter..but....[please help<3]
15/f. a few years ago I got caught[by parents] with cutting & depression. Between then and now I've struggled with S.I & eating disorders..but Ive managed to have 99.999% of people convinced I'm COMPLETELY over everything and am totally healed. but I'm more depressed than ever..just got too good at hiding it. Everyone sees me as the Jesus Freak..and I was. until recently, idk I just started to fall away from religion =\ anyway.
theres a guy my dad works with that has a daughter my age thats been cutting a lot and everything like I was. I agreed to talk to her if she wants. my mom suggested that i introcude her to religion and tell her my 'success story'
but I dont know how to go about this since I'm not better and i confused about God right now.[obviously i cant tell my mom that.]
helpp?<33
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Be honest. I think you guys should go through this together. Talk with her. let her know you arrect completely heald and you too need help and that maybe together you could work through this and find god again. god isnt the answer to everything you guys have problems you need to get help with. Im not going to tell you to go see a psychologist or go to rehab because ive been there and done that and that didnt save me. god saved me and i saved me. You have to make the choice for yourself not let god make it for you, god will guide you through it and give you strength but its up to you...
tell her you arent better and you need her help as much as you need hers. i believe you guys can see eachother through this.. I have high hopes and your in my prayers.
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First of all, I'm proud of you for coming clean with the reality that you aren't okay. It took courage to speak it even on a forum like advicenators. This is a terrific start.
I feel a real need to address the religion aspect of your dilemma. Do you have religion or relationship? There's a big difference between having religion and having a relationship with God through Jesus. Religion deals with following rules...the do's and don'ts. Having a relationship with God through Jesus deals with the heart. God is in the heart changing business not the "good works" of religion business. He loves and wants YOU.
I was a sexually abused child. I had issues piled on top of issues. I understand all the things you're feeling. Been there. Let me tell ya, it took lots of heart changing. Let me explain a few things I learned.
Depression comes from a heart issue of focusing on self. Yes, there can be brain chemical imbalance that makes a person more easily drawn to depression, but depression can be resisted and overcome by focusing on God. Reading His word is a powerful way to defeat depression. Let me make it clear that it's not the act of reading the Bible, but reading it with a heart of seeking God's help. It's an attitude of realizing Jesus is the only one who can do anything about the situation. Depression is not overcome by everyone telling you you're fine, but rather by truly opening up and letting God deal with your heart.
Many told me to just go and do something that will raise my self esteem. Self esteem is esteeming self and actually stirs depression. The people who are telling you that you're fine are probably trying to lift your self esteem and, as you're finding out, it's making the depression worse. It may even be pushing you into isolation. That cycle keeps going around and around until it's properly dealt with. Relationship not religion.
Cutting is an emotional release. Most teens I know of that cut have a hard time releasing deep seeded hurt and anger through the natural way of crying tears. Again, a heart issue that needs to be dealt with. Spending time with the Lord in prayer; telling Him about the hurt will bring release. Perhaps keeping a journal of your prayer time.
Eating disorders...I suffered with anorexia in my young adult years. People said I would be fine if I just started eating. Eating brought my weight up, but I was still dying inside from a wrong view of my worth as a person. The anorexia came back several years later. It wasn't until I was honest with God and allowed Him to show me my worth in His eyes. You. Me. We are wonderfully made by the creator of the universe.
We have an enemy of our souls, the devil, that loves it when we focus on ourselves and when we keep things hidden. He knows that as soon as things are spoken and brought out into the light of Christ, he no longer has power over us. When I broke the silence about the sexual abuse, there was nothing for the devil to stand on anymore. One by one, over time, the other things disappeared.
It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure to talk to this girl, but what I get from your explanation in your question is that right now, you won't have much to offer her until you remove the mask your hiding behind and get healed by seeking God in this.
IN ADDITION: I'm so glad to hear you know Jesus. Just because things are seemingly rocky right now, doesn't mean your relationship with Jesus can't be restored. There's a lot of tension in the world economically and such, but the spiritual tension is even greater. We need to band together as brothers and sisters in Christ and hold each other up. Fight the thought life that is trying to drag you down. Get in and stay in the Word. Seek out people who will encourage you and help you grow. And contact me anytime. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Tell your mother that you'll always be in recovery. That's how it is with cutting, depression, mental-health, drugs, alcohol you get the idea. It's true that you'll always be looking over your shoulder trying not to revert back to it.
That's all she needs to know and that you continue and will forever struggle as that's the nature of this beast. Tell her that you would love a friend and will be supportive of her but feel it's not your place to share your personal story or introduce her to Christianity etc.
Tell her that religion gets you confused and you're not the best person to ask about God and success with eating disorders, mental health etc. Let her know it makes you uncomfortable to do so and you aren't ready. Nothing wrong or bad about that. You won't make her angry. It's just the truth about how things are.
If you're confused about God or don't feel better at all speak up and don't hide it from her. She'd be more annoyed not having you ask for support than hiding it and getting into a massive problem by reverting back.
Just be this girl's friend and LISTEN rather than SHARE what you know at first about her troubles. She may not even ask you a thing about that. Be her friend and promise your mother you'll do no more than that.
Tell her if it's appropriate to share your story with her or anyone else you'll do it alone and on your own terms with people when comfortable. It's OKAY to tell your parents they put you in an awkward position.
As far as religion goes there's a non-denominational website www.spirituality.com where this girl could study the bible, other books, post in forums and find different religious and non-religious ideas about how to deal with tough issues. It might help her. Yes, it's run by a church but it's for everyone and I'm not pushing one view or another and neither do they.
The site may serve two purposes as you may want to read it yourself.
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What helped you get through what you went through? Religion or no religion.
There's no point telling/introducing her to something which didn't help you get through your ordeal and from past experience, most people are closed to religion or aren't that interested in it when they're depressed. Tell this girl exactly what helped you, don't gloss it over because that won't help anybody. And I think it's best to tell her that you're still dealing with the side effects of what you went through.
But why? Because you can relate to her situation and tell her what was going through your head and that it took whatever it took to get to where you are now.
You may still be depressed, but what I'm hoping is that the two of you will be able to support each other and you can make it through this period of you lives together.
Give your side of the story to her straight.
Good luck with the future,
triquetra
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