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My boyfriend's family is putting unnecessary stress on our relationship.
I'm 21, he's 23. He still lives with his mom and dad and brother, who's my age. We've recently gotten back together after like two years of fighting and pretending not to love each other. We're head over heels for each other, we treat each other well - I mean, we're still trying to get past some of the stuff that we had trouble with before, but we joke around with each other, we laugh together, we cry together...We'd have a perfect relationship now if it weren't for his family.
His family hates me - absolutely HATES me - I've done nothing to warrant this behavior. If anything, I've been a saint as far as they should be concerned. I've spent hours taking care of him while he was drugged out of his mind on painkillers after surgery, I've stayed on the phone with him at four in the morning when he couldn't sleep...Even so, his family just despises me.
I've spoken to them about this - they think we're "too much alike." His mother is "Afraid we're going to get married." They want him to "Stand on his own two feet."
I don't baby him. I don't think it's too much to make sure he knows he's loved. He does the same thing for me.
He actually had a conversation with his dad where he explicitly said that he loved me, and his dad said, "You can't control your heart. If you love her, then you love her," which my guy took as kind of a declaration of acceptance of his choice and of me.
I called their house the other day to get a hold of him because he wasn't answering his cell phone, and after we hung up, his dad bitched at him. They can't accept the fact that we love each other - they make every excuse in the world for it and try to say my guy's at fault, or something. His mother - I'm pretty sure - is certifiably insane. With a few psych books, I'm pretty sure I could diagnose her with more than one mental disorder, including bipolar. His father agrees with his mother about me.
His brother just hates me for no reason - well that, and I know he doesn't like me so I've never really let him get to know me. I'm kind of a closed off person. He has a girlfriend, so it can't be a jealousy issue.
I don't know, I'm at my wit's end, here. I've tried everything - talking to them, purposely not talking to them, pretending nothing's wrong, being bitchy to them, being sweet to them (I've even done their dishes (of my own accord, because I just couldn't stand the mess anymore))...
I feel at this point like he'd more likely walk out of their house than lose me, so I'm not concerned about him leaving me. This is, however, unnecessary strain on an already difficult relationship - all second chances are hard. We're handling it as well as we can, though.
Still, this sucks. If we were ever to decide to get married or anything, they would probably disown him...and I could really like his family if they didn't hate me so much...Does anyone have any ideas? =(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If he is 23 and still living at home, that is the first problem. There is no reason that a 23 year olds family should have much say so in who he dates.
Of course it would be wonderful if they liked you, I
doubt that will happen though with him living at home where mom calls the shots.
As soon as possible get him out on his own. Don't move in with him, let him "stand on his own two feet" for a little while first. Then, if nothing else, at least you won't have to deal with them very often. :)
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To me, it sounds as if you need to schedule a little get together with his parents, again. His mother seems to be contradicting herself because she says he needs to "stand up on his own two feet", yet he is 23, living with his parents, and isn't allowed to go off and have his own life with you. As for his father...I think what he said was an acceptance; however, women usually dominate the man in the house. So, if the woman is unhappy, the man is often to agree with whatever is being said. Children are often the same way. They take in whatever beliefs that their parents do, so that could explain why your boyfriend's brother feels the way he does. I think you should let his brother get to know you. Then you'd have him on your side. In time, your boyfriend will have to move out and be on his own 2 feet. After that, his parents really won't have a say in your relationship. Also, I want to bring up a point. Momma's alwayyys think that their son/daughter is too good for their partners. In time, they'll accept you and grow to love you. "Everything will be alright in the end. If it not's alright, then it's not the end."
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I'm sorry =( I've never been in that kind of situation before. They probably "hate" you because of all the issues you and him have had. While you two were fighting, he probably went to his family and told them everything, making you look like a crazy bitch. That's just how relationships work. You probably went to your family and did the same thing. But that doesn't matter. You two forgave each other, and so should his family. If they cared about him, they would accept you. But your not dating his family. Your dating him. It's nice when families get along, but sometimes, that's not the case. If you honestly feel like you've tried everything and are at your wits end, then stop trying. Don't let them bother you. If your happy with him, then that really is all that matters.
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